Insert Title Here 2: Storyline Edition
by Texas McFreedoms
Summary: This story makes less and less sense as it goes on.. And this cover is terrible. Usually updates on a Mon-Wed-Fri schedule, except for when I'm bored, and then it updates whenever.
1. Falling and Crashing

_**This is a Silver Stone Ruby and Texas McFreedoms production. But Ruby wrote, like, 3/4ths of this. I mainly just wrote myself. Go Ruby!**_

_**This fic was begun on September 25th, largely as script. **_

_**Also: self-inserts and bad Sarge impressions. You have been warned.**_

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

_**key:**_

_Thoughts (outside of quotation marks)_

"Normal talking, you buffoon."

**translations bitch**

**NOTE: **Texas is Texas McFreedoms. Tex is Agent Texas. Silver is Silver Stone Ruby.

~•~

Texas fell out of a box in the sky, landing on a concrete platform. "The hell is this place..?" She then saw the RvB (+Universal Crew circa chapter 9 or so) people. "Oh, nice! ..although, what the hell is happening there? I don't remember that happening."

Silver popped her head in to say, "You saw chapter 9 instead of 8. Neat, eh?"

"Weird glitch.. Maybe I'm a hacker! Maybe I can hack Dee some emotions.. Heey Dee, c'mere! Deeeeeeeeeeee, come heeeere!"

"No, I don't think you can hack emotions. Guess it was just a glitch- oh! I have to go!" Silver yanked herself out of the world as Jessie and Delta approached.

Jessie looked at the AI. "Hey, uh.. Delta. I think someone wants to talk to you."

Delta looked at Texas. "How do you require my assistance?"

"Hi!"

"Hello, Texas McFreedoms, or is there another name you would like me to refer to you as?"

"I GO BY MANY NAMES," she shouted, "THAT IS ONE OF THEM. ..Dee, why does Minecraft exist?"

"The game, Minecraft, exists solely because a man who goes by the name Notch decided to create it, putting his thoughts into the game and making it to his delights. Also, I would greatly prefer it if you simply called me 'Delta'."

"Deeeeee, can I hack everything? ..But Dee is faster!"

"Perhaps, and calling me that would be more efficient time-wise because it only has one syllable. I do not want you to call me that due to... Personal preferences."

"If you have preferences, you have emotions! DECIDE DEEEEEEEEEEEEElta!"

"I do not have emotions. AI are unable to express them."

"Being uncomfortable is an emotion, and Epsilon has gotten pretty pissed at people. Like, is Eppy not an AI anymore or something? Oh my god, did he do that meta thing without you?"

"..." Delta froze, fizzing a little.

"Oh no, I think Dee crashed. Or broke. He needs fixing. IT WAS NOBODY'S FAULT, STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!" Texas poked at Dee's frozen hologram, unsure what was wrong. "He's like my old phone was when it tried to load things that use internet.. Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeelta?"

"...You. Fucking. IDIOT! I try to be nice and tell you not to call him that, but NO, you just HAD to push it!" Epsilon threw away his Delta costume, revealing himself. "I mean, look at him! You... You broke him!" He pointed at the real Delta, who just sat there, still frozen.

Jessie jumped in between the two. "Woah! Calm down there!"

"You're kinda being an-" Jessie shoved a sock in Felix's mouth.

"FELIX! You're not in the story yet! Shut up and wait your turn!"

"Felix! You knifed Tucker, you assface! ..Eppy, why do you have a Delta costume? Like, couldn't you just kind of be him? Cause you can totally do that. That costume is kind of creepy.." Texas paused. "Wait, if you were just wearing a costume, _why did your voice match his?_ What the fuck? Eppy, you make no sense whatsoever."

Felix spat out the sock. "Hey.. No need to say in in front of my dear Jessie.."

"YOU DID WHAT?" shrieked Jessie.

"... A good magician never reveals his secrets..," muttered Epsilon.

"Ehehehhehehheheheheheheh. I'm going to get knifed now aren't I... Why weren't you JUST HIM? YOU CAN DO THAT! And you aren't a magician." Felix shot a death glare at Texas, who stepped away from him.

"Oh, can you prove I'm not one?"

"Ahhahahahhahhaha, I'm going to die... You're an AI, AIs do not do magic, THEY DO AI THINGS! Like math! Wow, that sounds like a glorified Simmons."

"Yeah... You think we can move on to a different topic. Like how much I hate Tucker?"

"Welp, everyone's going to kill me now. I CALL UPON THE MAYBE GHOST OF TUCKER TO SAVE ME!" Texas ran off to hide.

"The _ghost_ of Tucker? FELIX, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?" Jessie grabbed Felix and shook him.

"It was nothing! Do you really think I would do such a horrendous thing?" Felix asked incredulously. Jessie refused to reply, opting to simply shoot daggers at him with her eyes.

Texas peered out from behind a corner, cross-eyed. "I think I can see torches and pitchforks. I SAID MAYBE, MAYBE, MAYBEEEEEEEEE! You knifed him and he was laying on the ground. So, I dunno.. Dr. Gray was standing next to him at least, so he's maybe not dead."

"Oh, THAT'S what you meant. "

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT?" asked Jessie in confusion. _Why didn't I ever finish season 12? I only got to the 17th episode!_

"Episode 18. I hope it isn't done! That would be the worst cliffhanger of all time. Felix, you are a total assface for the sake of money. Why is Eppy not reacting, like at all? You'd think he'd be at least shocked Tucker got knifed. Or, you know, Church would. ..Wait, why does Felix know what went down but you don't? IS FELIX A TIME TRAVELING CONMAN?" Texas gasped in both shock and a need for air.

"I left, like ten minutes ago..," said Epsilon. "So what are you talking about?"

"Tucker got knifed."

"Knifed? Like, as in.. A knife.. Went inside of him?"

"_Yes_. Felix did it!"

Epsilon slowly turned to face Felix, taking in a deep breath. "FELIX! YOU MOTHER-FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER! WHEN CAROLINA AND WASH HEAR ABOUT THIS THEY ARE GOING TO BEAT THE LIVING FUCKING SHIT OUT OF YOU! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"

"Locus also beat the shit out of Wash. Eheheheh, I'm evil.."

"WHAT? WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THOSE TWO THEY WILL FUCKING REGRET THAT THEIR MOTHERS EVER GAVE BIRTH TO THEM!"

"WAIT, WHAT?! WHAT EPISODE WAS THIS! HOW DO I NOT KNOW ANY OF THIS?" shouted Jessie in shock.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Church asked.

"Oh, uh.. Did I say something? Heh, must've been the wind!"

"You said episode. What do you mean?"

"...Fuck me..."

"Episode 18. It was 15 minutes long... EPPY, YOU HEARD NOTHIIIIING! DEE! HELLO  
>DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Texas yelled.<p>

"That was just the next episode! It was going to come out the next day! Why did this universe take me from my Red vs. Blue?"

"What the fuck are you two babbling about? Red vs Blue? The hell is that?"

"Umm.. CABOOSE! I NEED YOU!"

"I LIKE FLUFFY THINGS!" cheered Caboose.

"..." Delta remained silent, a little loading symbol appearing on his chest.

"DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Help – Caboose! Eppy said he is going to kill Freckles! Quick! Get him! – Jessie, run fast like the wind."

Caboose turned to face Epsilon. "CHURCH!" His voice took a scarily familiar deep tone. "MY NAME IS MICHAEL J. CABOOSE, AND I WILL NEVER LET YOU TOUCH MY FRECKLES!"

EpsIlon looked at Caboose, "Oh, shit!"

Jessie gave out a nervous smile, "Whelp! Gotta run, bye!"

"I AM SO HELPFUL! Quick, over here!" Texas yelled.

"Coming!" Jessie called after her.

~•~

**Looks like we're about to go over a cliff. Grif, I just wanted you to know... You're my son. **


	2. Oh no! Knives!

**Not. **

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"Ugh, what happened? Why does my stomach feel like someone shoved a knife in it?" Tucker complained.

"Because you were knifed by Felix. How the fuck do you not remember, seriously? You did that – ooh, I should stop with the spoilers." Texas stopped to breathe for a second. "..Why is nobody, like, questioning me and my strange knowledge? Like, what?"

"Memory Plant. Works every time." Felix said confidently.

"Because.. Uh.. I don't know!" Jessie replied.

"Anyways, Tucker you got kniiiiiiifed," Texas answered finally.

Tucker bounced a bit on the heels of his feet, warming himself up for a fight. "Felix? That fucking bastard.. Where is he?"

"Isn't he right over there? Hi Felix!"

Felix growled. "Hmph, maybe I am. But what are you gonna do about it, Tucker? I doubt you've recovered so quickly." He grabbed Tucker's sword only to have the glowing blade vaporize. "Wait, what?"

Tucker smirked. "Sorry, but that sword is restricted; No Felixes allowed."

"Fight fight fight fight fight fight!" Texas cheered.

Felix yelled in anger, "You fucking son of a bitch!" He sprinted at Tucker but stopped on a dime when Epsilon appeared in front of him, falsely appearing to block the way.

"Nuh-uh-uh! No, need to get so close, there," said Epsilon.

"Why you little-" Felix was cut off by the Reds' battle cry.

"Today is a good day to die!" Sarge yelled, jumping on top of Felix.

"Suck it, Orange!" Simmons said, grabbing onto Felix's legs.

"Here we go!" Grif yelled, taking Felix's hands.

Texas giggled at little at the Reds, taking to the sidelines as she had no weapons and barely any hand to hand combat skill.

"You may have caught us once, but us Reds have learned a few things about surprises over the years," Sarge continued, before Felix threw them all off, grabbing a knife and throwing it towards Grif.

"Woah!" Grif said, barely ducking the sharp edge. Felix turned around, walking towards Tucker again, dropping the sword he had grabbed; it was useless to him.

"Felix.. I really fucking hate you, you know that?" Tucker said, standing up, holding his side in pain, "I really wonder how Carolina feels about you right now," he continued, before the girl in aqua herself came up to Felix, kicking him in the stomach.

Texas applauded a bit. _Woo, fighting! Woo, not involved! _

"Huh, I was wondering where you were, freelancer," said Felix, recovering quickly from the blow, "How do you feel about _this_!" He kicked under Carolina, intending to knock her off balance, but she simply jumped over the blow.

"Not bad, for a beginner," she remarked, punching him in the hand, knocking out the knife he was holding.

"Hmph." He blocked another blow that came his way, then kicked backwards at Sarge, who was going for a sneak attack._That only works once, _thought Felix as he turned around, punching Sarge in the helmet before Carolina kicked him again, making him growl in frustration.

Meanwhile, Tucker slowly walked over to his sword, now lying on the ground where Felix had dropped it. He leaned over, grunting in pain, and grabbed the sword, turning his head towards his soon-to-be-dead enemy.

"Felix has future cubes. Tucker, you have been warned." Texas said as seriously as she could through her giggles.

Tucker started to walk towards Felix, many words of hate that should never be spoken in public going through his mind.

"You're slower than the last time I fought you. A little sore, is it?" Felix asked Carolina, turning around again and grabbing her by the throat, using his other hand to continuously punch her. His eyes widened as sudden pain shot through him, and when he looked down, he noticed that Tucker's sword had gone though him.

Tucker pulled it out, as Felix fell to his knees, dropping Carolina. Felix glared at him, before pulling out a teleportation cube, slamming it on the ground, and he disappeared.

Tucker shook his head, the pain inside of him becoming unbearable once more. He dropped to the ground again, squinting his eyes, closing them as he tried desperately to control his breathing. Why did it have to fucking hurt so much? It was just a knife!

When he opened his eyes once more, he realized he was in a different area. He must have fallen unconscious. Again. Dr. Grey was looking over him, studying just how bad his injury was.  
>"Wh-where is.. Felix?" He asked, still in pain, but there was less of it.<p>

"That's what we're trying to find out. That asshole..," Tucker looked up to see that Kimball was the one who had spoken. _When did she get here?_ he asked himself, "It's good to know you're okay, Tucker," she said, a warm smile now following her words.

Texas composed herself and blinked a few times before asking, "Caboose, what did you do with Epsilon?" before she caught on to what Kimball had said. "Yeah, he's 'okay', alright."

Epsilon gathered himself, "That was... Interesting, to say the least." _Thank goodness I distracted Caboose with that cupcake.._

"Yeah...," replied Felix, "That's a word.." _Fuck! They have me!_

"Wow, Felix," Jessie spoke, "They really made you out to be such an asshole!"

~•~

**Stupid Blues and their backstabbers. **


	3. Delta Hates Christmas

**Dangnambit, you dirty Blue! Stop breaking the little green computer!**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

_**BEFORE POST EDIT**: I see I have foreign viewers. Hello. Uh, no hablos espanol. _

~•~

"Felix, why are you a jerk?" Texas asked, before a thought crossed her mind. "Is Dee still broken?" she wondered. "Deee! Deeeeee! Deeeeeeeeee!"

Delta remained silent.

Epsilon looked at the green AI, "Yeah.. He's _definitely _broken..."

"Uhhh. Tucker did it!" Texas exclaimed, to which Caboose shot her a thumbs up. Meanwhile, Delta began to turn red with anger.

"What the fuck? No I didn't!" Tucker protested. "Lying bitch!"

"Run like a bitch," Texas announced, seeing Delta change colors. She turned back to Tucker. "Oh, yes you did!"

"I DIDN'T!" Tucker tried to say, "I swear, people always putting the blame on me.."

Jessie stared at the color-changing Delta. "Uh... Is that normal?" she asked, slowly.

"NOPE! RUN!" shouted Texas, "Haven't you ever seen episode 18 of season 10? Heheheheh, takin' a page out of Caboose's book."

Jessie, paused, "Wait, why would I need to run?"

"Cause he'll, like, yell really loud," replied Texas, "It'll hurt your ears."

Jessie looked at her, "..I have earplugs.."

"Well I don't," stated Texas. Thinking about Jessie having earplugs, she stated, "Why do you even have earplugs? Seriously, who actually thinks to buy them, 'cause I never do and I need some."

"Hey! It's good to be prepared for anything!" Jessie defended. "That's logical, right, Dee?"

Delta turned towards Jessie, now glowing redder due to her usage of words. "Uh, Dee?" Jessie nervously asked.

"Run," Texas warned, "Ruuuuuuuuuunn! Or use your earplugs." She paused for a second. "Actually, he might start crying. I don't know anything."

Jessie shoved her earplugs in quickly. "JESSIE!" Delta's voice boomed, her earplugs quickly proving to be useless.

"Ouch! My ears!" Jessie cried, covering them as best as she could. "What did York _do_ when you were in his head?"

"DO. NOT. SPEAK," commanded Delta.

Texas answered Jessie's question, "He died. That's what York did. I told you he would be loud!"

"YES, I know he died!" Jessie yelled, ears ringing, "But, just wow! I didn't know Delta could-could.."

"DO NOT SPEAK OF HIM AS IF YOU DON'T CARE!"

"Woah, what?" Jessie asked. "As far as I know, he, along with everyone else in the God-damned universe, doesn't exist! I don't _have_ to care!" She stopped, looking at Delta. "...Aaaand you just grew ten times your size..."

"You are going to die now," Texas stated bluntly. "Just 'cause, like, he's so loud your ears explode." She shook her head, remembering the situation, "Run, run, run! Or look up!"

"I'm gonna step back now..," Jessie said, slowly. "And you're back to normal again. What the hell happened to you, Delta?"

Delta looked towards Jessie. "I do not understand what you are talking about."

"Oh, you have gotta be fucking kidding me.."

"Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelta. You did the mad thing," Texas explained.

"I do not understand what you are talking about," Delta repeated to Texas.

"The mad thing, the one where you turn GIANT and RED and VERY _VERY_ ANGRY!" Texas tried to tell the AI.

"I do not have the ability to be angry."

"WELL YOU DID!" Texas shouted, an idea coming to her, "..Dee."

Delta only flashed a faint red, ".. Do not call me that...please."

"Because York called you that and he died blah blah blah yeah I kno-" Texas went over what she had just said. "Oh. I think I'm going to die for that."

Delta faltered a little, "I... Do not want to talk about this anymore. I would like to change the subject."

"Whoops," Texas said, "You don't have to say that, all you have to do is change it."

Delta looked at her, "What is your current status?"

"Ummmmmmmmmmmm," Texas thought about it. "SARGE! PLEASE TELL US HOW THE BLUES ARE HORRIBLE! YES! CHURCH AND EVERYONE ELSE WILL ENJOY THAT! FOR SURE!"

Sarge heard Texas, and gathered everyone around him, making them sit down. "Let me tell you all the story of How the Blues Stole Christmas."

~•~

**Ho ho ho, you just got SARGED!**


	4. Escape From Church

**Oh. Wait. You didn't. Damn it, you dirty Blue! Stay dead!**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

Tucker groaned, "Ugh.. I'm gonna leave now."

"Yeah, man," Epsilon agreed. "This stinks."

"I LIKE CHRISTMAS!" Caboose shouted joyfully.

"I.. Don't think that's an actual story..," Wash said.

"For suuuuure," Texas said. "Um.. Scientific process goes boom!" She knocked over Church, then ran into the nearest large building, hiding in a coat closet.

"Owch! What the flying fucks?" screamed Church.

Sarge continued, "There was a place called Red-ville. It was a peaceful place full of Reds who were celebratin' the holidays. But one day, a group of dirty Blues decided to settle in, and everything went horribly wrong!"

"Tell me more, sir!" Simmons said, seemingly intrigued by the story.

"Yes," agreed Caboose, "I like the part with the Christmases!"

.:-:.

Back in the closet, Texas crouched behind a coat, scared of being found. "Hiding, hiding, hiding, hiding," she chanted to herself. She peered out from behind the closet door.

.:-:.

Continuing the story, Sarge said, "They were greedy bastards, those Blues, and on the night before Christmas Day, they snuck into all of the Reds houses, and took their decorations and Christmas trees and everything! They ran out, to throw all of the stuff off of a giant cliff! But us Reds were smarter! We figured out what they did and found them. We managed to throw the Blues off the cliff instead, and save our stuff. And, thus, without the Blues to ruin it anymore, Christmas was saved and Red-ville lived happily ever after," he concluded.

"Sir," Simmons started, "That may just be the best story I have ever heard!"

"Kissass," Grif shot at the maroon-armored soldier.

"What a pretty cliff..," Caboose said, thinking about the cliff Sarge had mentioned.

.:-:.

"I WILL FIND YOU!" called Church, searching for Texas. The aforementioned girl quickly shut the door, letting out a little "yeep!". Church ran towards the building opening and exploded all the doors with a rocket launcher.

"AAAAAA!" screamed Texas, running away, into a sort of maze. "HOW DID YOU EVEN GET ONE OF THOSE?" she questioned about the rocket launcher.

Church replied, "I'm a magician, bitch!" as he burnt down the maze with a flamethrower.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Texas continued to scream. "Wait," she stopped, "Which one of you is a magician?"

"BOTH OF US, BITCH!" Epsilon and Chruch said with perfect unison.

"YIKES!" shouted Texas, "Running, running, running!"

Church yelled, "MAGICAL SPEED POWERS ACTIVATE!" He caught up very quickly, Texas still screaming.

Epsilon laughed, "He's got you now! Oh, and don't even think about using your own magical powers."

O'Malley appeared, "YOU FOOLS! I WILL DESTROY YOUR VERY EXISTENCE AND FEAST ON YOUR REMAINS!"

A silence treated his words, broken by Texas. "How did you even get out, O'Malley?"

"Through some strange form of universal teleportation time-thingy..," replied O'Malley, "And very weird circumstances."

"But-never mind," Texas sighed, "That isn't even what I meant."

Doc walked over to the group, "Sup."

"Oh, hello, Doc!" Texas greeted him with a wave and smile.

"Hi."

Donut also came over. "Oh, hey guys! What have you all been doing? I've been gone a while, I know, but that doesn't mean I can't fill that hole...in your hearts."

"Donut!" Texas called, "Where have you _been_?" She then remembered her situation. "Help."

"What do you need?" Donut asked.

"Help," Texas repeated, gesturing to Church.

"Huh?" asked Donut, before following Texas's gesturing. "Oh, hey, Church! Where have you been all this time? I know what I've been doing, and it's-"

"Yeah, uhuh, okay, enough of that," Church cut him off. "This lady over here tried to RUN ME OVER!"

"I ran into you. You're weak," Texas pointed out.

"I don't care!"

"Seriously, you are weak if I managed to push you over," said Texas, running away. "FUTURE CUBES WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUU?"

Church defended himself, "I wasn't watching, okay? I was.. Uh.. Thinking about.. Jimmy.. Hey! Get back here!"

"NEVER!" Texas called back. "Grif, where the fuck are the future cubes?"

Grif yelled back, "Hey! I found them! Why should I give them to you!?"

"Because I need them. Can I just have one..?" Texas asked.

"No."

Tex came over, looking at Grif. "You sure about that decision, Grif?"

"Uh... I..," Grif gulped, afraid of the Freelancer. "Here! You can have _ONE_!"

"Okay!" Texas said, then looked at Tex. "..uh hi Texxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxas thank yoouuuuu!" Texas ran away. "Whoo!"

"I'm gonna leave now.. You know, not be killed by the crazy Freelancer..," Grif said quickly, going away.

Jessie was confused by this whole situation. "I don't... what's going on here?"

"NOBODY KNOWS!" Texas cried, "NOBODY HAS EVER KNOWN! AND NOBODY EVER WILL!" She threw a pebble at Church because she was bored.

~•~

***clink***


	5. 10 on 1

**Don't ding Lopez, you Bluetards!**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"Hey!" Church yelled, "How would you feel if I started throwing rocks at you! Not so good, huh!"

"Come get me!" Texas said, before realizing what she had just said. "…Actually, that sounds wrong. Don't."

Church growled, "Why you little!" He began to chase Texas, who ran away screaming.

"I'll come get you any day!" Donut called cheerfully.

Texas turned around for a split second, "No Donut, no."

Church continued to chase. "I will fucking kill you!" Texas continued running, screaming at the same time.

Caboose began to run as well, "The Kittenz! They're after meeezzz!"

"AAAAAAAA- what?" Texas slowed down a little.

Caboose stopped running. "No, wait. It's just a unicorn. No need to worry anymore."

Texas stopped watching where she was going. "What-AGH!" She cut herself off, tripping.

Church caught up to Texas, "I have you now!"

Washington came out, holding a superhero position. "FREELANCER POWERS, ACTIVATE!" And thus, he flew.

"Well fuck," Texas muttered. She then realized what she had just witnessed. "..Wait, Wash? Who the fuck gave you the power to fly?"

Wash answered as if it were obvious, "Epsilon did. He's a magician."

"NO HE ISN'T!" Texas yelled, "MAGIC ISN'T EVEN REAL!"

Wash looked at her, "Can you prove it?"

"Science," Texas answered. "Science is the answer to all things." She got up and started running into a building while Church was in la-la land. "Whoo!" She hid in a random room.

"Yes," Wash said sarcastically. "Because science makes men fly without a jetpack or anything. That makes _TOTAL_ sense."

Church returned to reality, realizing Texas had gone. "Wha? HEY! GET BACK HERE! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!" He shouted, taking chase once more.

Epsilon followed, "You, my friend, are about to get the beating of a lifetime. Bitch."

Wash looked around, shrugging, "I guess I could join the fun, non-believer."

Tucker looked towards where Texas was, and then at Caboose. "Hey, Caboose! You should help her!" He then got out his sword.

"Okay!" Caboose replied cheerfully. He pointed his gun at Texas and began to shoot randomly.

Grif followed, aiming his gun. "This is for the future cube!"

"Come here, you dirty Blue!" Sarge called. "Simmons! Cover me!"

Simmons followed the order. "Anything for you, sir!"

Tex shrugged, "Meh, I'll join you."

Jessie smiled, "Oh, this sounds like so much fun!"

Felix pulled out a knife. "You know, you _REALLY_ shouldn't rat people out!"

Texas held her future cube, staring at it quizzically. "I have no idea how these things work. I'm just going to use it and hope it works." She poofed away.

Jessie looked at Texas, "I _DO_ hope you've seen season 11. No one ever did find Doc after that. Hey, Eppy! You know where that put her?"

Epsilon nodded. "Yeah, not far actually. I managed to change a few things in the cube before she used it so she wouldn't teleport too much. She's right in that building over there. Also, don't call me that."

"I have seen season 11! And also 12," Texas called from the building, "I don't remember that but I'm all glitched so whatever." She ran down a hall and hid inside a box.

Epsilon located Texas, "Okay, everyone follow me. We're gonna have some fun!"

"Today is a good day for Grif to die!" Sarge cried, charging.

Grif glared at Sarge. "Oh, fuck you!" He ran after.

"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE FUCKER!" Church yelled.

Felix smiled. "Hehe, this will be a wonderful prize to add to my collection!"

Tex also went in. "No one runs over Church but me!"

Texas scrambled around. "Okay, I have to find a fucking gun." She was too slow, however, as everyone quickly found her.

"YOU. ARE. MINE!" Church called, tackling Texas.

Sarge shot at Texas, "You just got- dammit! I missed!"

"AHHHHHH! SON OF A BITCH!" Texas screamed.

Felix looked at Texas, "Now, if you don't mind, I _REALLY_ feel like stabbing you!" He went for the throat.

"AAAAAAA!" Texas continued to scream, trying to dodge so the knife would get Church or the ground instead. She succeeded, infuriating Felix.

"Shit! Why you little!"

"Whoah!" Church called. "Dude, you almost stabbed me!"

Tex went to Texas, "I got you now, missy! You aren't getting away this time!"

"Whelp, gg no fuckin re bros," Texas muttered. Tex did a series of advanced punches and kicks. Hitting every time but once. Texas groaned in pain, but something dawned on her. "..Wa-wait... since magic is real... I can use that and just- bye!" She jumped up, pushing past everyone in her path. "I BELIEVE IN WHAT I WANT TO, WASH!"

"You will believe in what I tell you to believe in!" Washington ordered.

"NEVERRRRR!"

Jessie went to Texas, a large smile on her face. "Let me introduce you to Annie the colorful talking cat!"

"Sup," said Annie.

"What. Whaaaat."

~•~

**Talking cat? What in Sam Hell?**


	6. Card Games

_Fuck it, why not upload one on Thursday? There's a bazillion pages of this. And this chapter is hella boring anyways. _

_**DISCLAIMER**: who the fuck told you we own Red vs Blue? _

**Damn dirty Blues all over the place!**

~•~

"So, I hear that you ran over that Church guy... I WILL CLAW YOUR FACE OFF!"

"Annie, you are a weird cat..." Texas said hesitantly, not fully processing what Annie was saying.

"YOU ARE DEAD TO ME! Meow, motherfucker!"

"Uh oh," she whispered as her words finally sank in. _Hey, that's my line! Line-thieving bitch!_

Annie began to sing cheerfully. "Start by slicing your face off! Remember to get the head off the top! For you are gonna die! Remember: don't cry! Or else I will knock you out with a rock!"

Texas turned around and started to run away as a loud "CHAAAAAAARRRRRRRGE!" rang out across the canyon. "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUCK!" she yelled.

"Mwahhahahahahaha!" Annie chuckled darkly, thinking of all the things she could do to Texas.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"I HAVE MAGICAL WINGS! AND SUPER POWERS!"

"Hehe, you aren't getting that far!" laughed Felix. _Time for my revenge. _

"I WILL FUCKING CRUSH YOU!" bellowed Church.

"Where is my cat when I want him?" Texas lamented to herself.

Jessie ran over, stopping everyone with her words. "Wait! Stop! What did she ever do to you?"

"SHE FUCKING RAN ME OVER!" Church roared.

"Yeah, well, is she _still_ running over you?"

"Uh... No?"

"Then why do you want to hurt her?"

"..I hate you."

"Good. Same thing goes for the rest of you!"

"Yes, Jessie, master of everything." Everyone (excluding Texas and Jessie) sighed loudly.

Texas tried to stop but skidded and fell over. "I feel exaggeratedly clumsy."

Jessie held out her hand to help Texas up, "Here, they shouldn't be bothering you anymore!"

Texas took the hand, getting up. "Thanks."

"I need... A cookie. With sprinkles. And extra frosting. And a teddy bear," Church declared. Everyone looked at him in confusion.

"I think Church just turned into Caboose... Kind of... Maybe..."

"Tucker! You are in charge of sprinkles!" Church ordered. "Sarge! You get the cookie! Caboose! You grab some frosting! Wash! Hand over the bear! Let's do this."

"What. How are they even going to _get_ those things?"

"Wash is a magician. Duh."

"But only Wash is! And Eppy! You asked, like, Caboose and Tucker and Sarge!" protested Texas.

"We have supplies stored out back. Simmons! I am going to hug you!" Church grabbed poor confused Simmons and hugged him tightly. "Also, I'm not Epsilon. He is." He pointed to Epsilon, who waved.

Texas blinked. "I knew that.. but... Teddy bears... Just- ugh." She shook her head and gave up. Thinking, she said, "Hey, what happens if I call my mom? She took out her phone that was in her invisible pocket and dialed a phone number.

"I HAVE FROSTING!" hollered Caboose. "Ooh! Can I speak to your mommy?"

Suddenly, the phone turned into a deck of cards – the only deck of cards Texas owned – Red vs Blue themed ones. "Well, fuck... No, Caboose. You cannot." She shoved the cards into her pocket.

Donut noticed the cards before they were put away. "Oh, those cards sure are colorful! Can I use them? I just thought of an amazing game to play!"

"NO," Texas quickly responded, preferring if the universe _didn't _break into a million pieces.

"Aww, man! It would've been fun!" Donut tried to reason.

"These are... bad cards, anyways," Texas assured the lightish-red man.

Donut sighed, "Oh, well. Guess I'll just have to use my own!"

"..." Texas stared at Donut, wondering if the cards were going to be awkward, just like Donut always is.

Donut pulled out cards that were, surprisingly, just regular cards. "Okay, this is a game called 'Inside and Out'!"

"Um... Okay," said Texas, "What's the goal and how do you play?" _Well, the cards are fine, but this game sounds rather sketchy._

Donut nodded, "Okay, well, first you dig a giant hole in the ground. Without it the game doesn't work properly."

"...Do we even have any shovels?" asked Texas.

"I'd hope so, I didn't pay for bad maintenance! Second, you make sure you have three decks of cards, or you won't have enough to deal out 69 cards to each of the two players."

Texas thought about what Donut had said. "Let's just play Go Fish."

Donut pouted, "Aww! But I didn't even finish explaining how to play!"

Texas explained, "It sounds like setting up would take a long time, and Go Fish can be played with more than two people."

Donut accepted that, before thinking of another game, "Well, we could always play 'Inner You!'"

"No."

"Attacked At Night?"

Texas shook her head, "That sounds like rape, so no."

Jessie had an idea pop in her mind, one that she thought could actually work. "How about 'Mao'?"

"What's that..?" Texas asked, looking at Jessie suspiciously.

Jessie took a deep breath, and explained the rules, "It's a card game where a player may play any card in his hand which matches the value or the suit of the card currently lying face-up on the table. The card played must be placed on top of this card, and the next player will have to play a card that matches the new one. If the player has no cards he can play, he must instead draw a new card from the top of the stack and, in some variants, say something such as 'Pass', 'Penalty Card' or knock on the table to indicate inability to play a card. Usually, his turn is lost and he cannot play after he draws a card, though in some varieties, he can play the penalty card, or he is forced to draw until he gets a playable card. When a player has one card remaining, he must say 'last card', 'one card Mao', 'zin', or 'Mao', similar to Uno. When the final card is played, he must say 'Mao', or 'this game of Mao is officially ended'. Each person is dealt 7 cards, and the winner gets to choose a new rule in the game, but they can not reveal it. It is up to the other players to find this rule as they play through trial and error."

Texas thought about it, "This sounds like Uno. But with secret rules." She then decided on what she said. "It's Uno with secret rules."

Jessie smiled, "Pretty much. But there is no special everything card unless that's the rule you make up after winning." She than thought of something that would make the game seem more interesting. "If you wanted, you can make everyone say 'Church is an idiot' everytime you draw a card, and if they don't say it, you have to draw two cards or something like that. It's really fun!"

Texas smiled at the thought, laughing, "Oh."

Jessie looked at everyone, "Wanna play that?"

"Sure, why not?" Texas answered.

"Okay," said Jessie, dealing out cards. "Okay! Let's begin. No new rules until someone wins!" Everyone sat down for the game. Jessie flipped over a card to reveal an Ace of Hearts. Church shrugged, "I'll start." He placed down an Ace of Spades.

"Next!" called Epsilon, placing a Five of Spades.

Tex found herself next in the circle, "Okay," she said, playing a Five of Clubs.

"Yay!" Called Caboose, who actually had enough brain power to correctly put down a Six of Clubs.

Simmons was next. "Here we go," he said while putting down a Ten of Clubs.

"Reds win!" Stated Sarge as he played a Ten of Reds- I mean, Diamonds, definitely Diamonds.

"Guess I'll go," said Grif, handing down an Eight of Diamonds. Wash let out a "hmph" before placing a Four of Diamonds. Carolina put down a Four of Hearts, followed by a Nine of Hearts by Felix.

"Woo hoo!" called Jessie, placing down a Nine of Spades.

Texas stared at the face-up cards. "I have no cards..?"

"I gave you cards!" said Jessie. "They're right there!" She pointed to Texas's lap.

"Oh," Texas said, grabbing her Ten of Spades to put down. Church placed a Five of Spades, Epsilon took a Four a Spades, and Tex played a Four of Clubs. O'Malley came out of nowhere, causualy placing a Nine of Clubs on the table, while Caboose managed a Ten of Clubs and Simmons had a King of Clubs. Sarge had a King of Hearts, Grif played a King of Diamonds, Wash put down a King of Spades, Carolina placed a Jack of Spades, Felix had an Eight of Spades, Jessie beared a Seven of Spades, and Texas played a Seven of Diamonds. Church then placed down a Queen of Diamonds. Epsilon put down a Six of Hearts, silently breaking the rules, Tex placed a Seven of Hearts, O'Malley played a Seven of Clubs, and Caboose still had the brains for an Ace of Clubs. Simmons placed a Two of Clubs.

"Hmm.." Sarge began mumbling to himself a little as he placed a Two of Hearts down, followed by a Two of Diamonds from Grif. Washington put down a Seven of Diamons, Carolina got a King of Hearts, Felix somehow got his hands on a King of Knives, and Jessie placed down a King of Clubs.

It was then that Jessie realized something from before, "Wait- what did Epsilon put down there?"

"NOTHING!" Epsilon yelled, "YOU CAN'T PROVE I DID ANYTHING!"

Jessie gave the AI an expressionless look. "Draw a card."

Epsilon growled, "Fuck! Fine..." drawing a card. Texas placed down a Jack of Clubs after Epsilon finished, before Epsilon went with a Five of Hearts.

"Whoah! Dude! It was my turn!" Church yelled at him, "And you can't put that there."

"I can put down what I wanna put down!" Epsilon said, putting down all his cards. "Mao, bitches! I win!"

There was a silence, and after collecting herself again, Jessie spoke, "I... Think we're done playing cards for now.."

"Yeah," Texas agreed. She glanced at Epsilon. "EPPY, YOU ARE TERRIBLE AT GAMES!"

Jessie nodded, "Agreed." Texas absentmindedly straightened the cards before setting them down, standing up, and walking around aimlessly out of boredom.

~•~

**Damn Blues and their Godforsaken card games. **


	7. Cards of Future Past

**I'm just gonna take a nice nap. **

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

Church stood up, saying something that surprised everyone who heard, "I like pie and fluffy things."

"I think Church became Caboose," Texas said a little slowly. "Church? Are you okay..?"

"I want to be a unicorn," Church announced.

Caboose look at Church angrily, "Church, for the love of God, shut the fuck up!"

"UM, GUYS? THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH CHURCH AND CABOOSE!" Texas yelled, looking at the others.

Tucker shrugged, "They seem perfectly fine to me. The angry one and the idiot."

"But they're switched," Texas tried to explain.

Tucker looked over at them, "Maybe you're right. I guess I should check them out."

"Bow chicka bow wow," Wash shot in.

Texas looked between the two. "Oh no."

"What's going on here?!" exclaimed a confused Jessie.

"I DON'T KNOW!" answered an equally confused Texas.

"I want a pie," said Church.

Lopez then spoke in Freckles' voice, "Va a obedecer las órdenes de su comandante en jefe." **You will obey the orders of your commanding officer. **

Freckles clunked over to Lopez. "I fucking hate you all."

"AAAAAAAA!" screamed Texas, running away, "Eppy! Carolina! Donut! Other people! Run before it gets you!"

Epsilon looked at himself, "Hmph. I think I would look much better in some lightish-red!"

Donut also looked at himself, "WHO THE FUCK GAVE ME PINK ARMOR?"

"Lightish-red!"

Tex looked at the others, then glanced at Carolina, the latter doing the same. They both shrugged and walked away.

"RUUUUUUUN!" Texas screamed.

Jessie began to panic. "SAVE US ALLLLLL! SOMEBODY!"

O'Malley popped in, "I have the sudden urge to be very logical."

Delta cackled madly. "You fools! I will destroy you all!"

"DEE, NOOOOOO!" Texas shouted.

"I do not think it would very wise to call him a nickname if-" Delta cut O'Malley off.

"Whatever. See if I care! Now, if you'll excuse me, I NEED TO TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE!"

"DEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, NOOOOOOO! What would York say? And also everyone else?" Texas started backing away, just in case Delta went bezerk again.

"York was a fool to have died! He should have never helped that black brat."

Texas stared in shock. "..This is even worse than him trying to kill me.."

"Oh, shut up!" Texas slipped her deck of cards out of her pocket. _Wonder if these will mindfuck him enough so he short-circuits or something._. "What are those?"

"Cards, bitch."

"Cards. Are you trying to trick me with _cards? _They're stupid!"

"Have you even looked at them? And I'm not trying to trick you, idiot."

"What's on them?" Texas opened box and rummaged around, taking out 14 cards – the face cards. "Show me," he commanded. Texas obligingly tossed the cards over to where Dee is, faceup."What fool would put these idiots on cards?

"People not from here, obviously."

"Whatever. I don't care."

"Kay.." Texas began to curse profusely inside her thoughts. _Fucking hell bitch.._

Delta stopped and shook his head, trying to clear it. "What.. Happened?"

"Why the fuck are you asking me?" Church shot at him.

"Everyone was switched and shit. Dee you got switched with O'Malley, and Church got switched with Caboose. It was weird." Texas realized the cards were still on the ground, so she quickly grabbed them, put them back in their box, and shoved the box into her pocket.

"What are those?" Church questioned.

"Cards."

"Can I see them?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"What? Are you scared? Hey, Tucker! She's a scared one! Now, come on, let me see them."

"No."

"Oh, fuck you."

"GIVE ME THOSE CARDS!" screeched Annie before she tackled Texas. Meanwhile, Texas had already begun to run away.

"GAH!" She clutched her cards "Noooo."

"Aha! Good job, Annie! Now, if you would just let me lean down and grab these." Church yanked the cards out of Texas' hands, but not looking at them.

"Noooo!" Texas tried to take cards back, only to be stopped by Annie.

"Let me see those!" Grif took the deck from Church and immediately began looking through them. The first face card he came across? Him. "Wait, what the fuck? They're us!" he yelled. Texas started to mutter unintelligibly, presumably cursing her luck.

"What? Let me see.." Church leaned in and took about half of the cards, searching through and taking out the face cards in his hand to find several Blues, Reds, and Wash. "Holy shit! You're right! It is us!"

"Hey! You! What do you know about us?"

Jessie randomly scooted next to Texas, whispering in her ear, "What do we do?"

Texas whispered back, "I have no idea. Run..?" She cleared her throat. "MANY THINGS!"

"Like what?" Epsilon ordered.

"You were in Wash's head, and that's why he won't let any AIs into his head anymore."

"Yeah, everyone knows that."

"What else do ya got?" demanded Church.

"Tex is Allison – the late wife of the Director, whom none of the Leonard Churches can properly get over, Carolina is the Director and Allison's daughter, York was blind in his…" Texas waved her hands a bit, trying to remember the specifics. "..left eye from a illegally used grenade during a training round and his blindness was pretty much the cause of his demise, people seem to think Grif is yellow, Grif's sister is colorblind, and once again Felix knifed Tucker. I guess I could say more if you'd like."

"THAT NEVER HAPPENED! ...Yet..," blurted Felix.

"…Okay, then… uh.. How. The fuck. Do you know _any_ of this?" asked Epsilon.

"Magic, bitches." Texas bowed as best she could from her place on the ground.

Church, Epsilon, and Wash screamed in unison, "MAGIC DOESN'T EXIST!"

Texas very solemnly flipped them off, got up, and took off running. "JESSIEEEE, C'MON!"

"COMMMIIINGGG!" Jessie replied, also getting up and springing into a sprint.

~•~

**Run Blues! Run! Ahahahaha!**


	8. Escape From the Bronies

_I see all of you people. Look at my pretty dimly lit cover that I made in art class. LOOK AT IT!_

_This would've been out earlier had I not had to go through and fix the formatting. _

**You can't have my shotgun!**

_**Disclaimer**: Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"Do you know where any guns are?" Texas asked.

"No. And you aren't shooting them!" Jessie managed to send Texas a glare.

"Ughhhhhh. It was gonna be so cool though, leaping off a ledge into the group, spraying bullets, and screaming "REMEMBER THE ALAMO!" at the top of my lungs. They're probably gonna kill us, or at least me..," Texas said, trailing off.

"They'll probably want more information," Jessie gave her own input.

"Yeah, but we both know about the same amount of info. I'm pretty sure I'm the more likely canidate for shooting practice."

"You know more than me!" Jessie cried, "You keep saying Felix knifed Tucker, but I don't remember that!"

"Whatever... Oh good lord, when are we ever going to stop running?"

"I really don't know," Jessie shook her head. "Until people stop hating you?"

"That is going to be a problem." Texas sighed.

Another voice joined the conversation, "I like you. You are not a very mean lady."

"CABOOSE, HOW DID YOU EVEN?" Texas shrieked, jumping.

Suddenly, a random Red grunt appeared. "PREPARE TO BOW DOWN TO THE GLORY THAT IS THE FLAG, YOU HERETICS!"

"OH MY GOD WHERE DID YOU EVEN COME FROM?" Meanwhile, the distant angry shouting of the others slowly got louder. "Do ya hear that?"

"What... What is that?" Jessie asked.

"The angry people chasing us? Because we know too much?" Texas told her as the distant angry yelling became no longer so distant.

"Oh... Right. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"AAAAAAAAAAA!" Texas boosted her speed to a sprint, huffing between each word. "WHY.. CAN'T.. WE.. SHOOT.. EM? JUST.. A.. LITTLE? IT.. WON'T.. HURT.. MUCH!"

"NO!" Jessie protested. "THE TIMELINE! WE CAN'T HURT IT ANYMORE!"

"Eh? Wha-da-ya.. mean? Are.. you.. sure.. we.. can't.. shoot.. 'em?" Texas asked. "Just.. a.. little.. bit?"

"No!" Jessie wailed. "Do you want Caboose to die!?"

"NOT.. CABOOSE!" Texas waved her hands in front of her. "Just.. like, shooting.. Wash.. or.. Church.. or.. Simmons.. in.. the.. foot.. so.. they.. stop.. chasing.. us."

"What if our aim is as bad as Church's?" Jessie inquired. "That won't end well!"

"Then.. what.. are.. we.. gonna.. do? We.. can't.. run.. forever!" Texas and Jessie continued to sprint. "Is.. it.. just... me.. or.. are.. they.. getting.. louder?"

"GET OVER HERE!" Church screamed in the distance.

"NOOOOOOOOO.. OOOOOOOOOOO!"

Caboose continued talking to Freckles. "And then she- CHURCH!" He turned in the direction of the cobalt AI, "WHY ARE WE RUNNING? ARE WE PLAYING TAG? I LOVE TAG!"

"Uh... Yes, Caboose! We are playing tag! You're it! You should chase Church!" Jessie nodded, smiling. They slowed down.

"Yes! Chase Church!" Texas encouraged.

"Okay!" Caboose took off after Church. "Wheeee!"

"That should distract them for a while. Now, I have an idea to end all of this, but I'm not sure you'll like it..," Jessie offered.

Texas narrowed her eyes. "Go on..."

.:-:.

"Wheee!" Caboose cheered, followed by a loud bang. "..Um, Tucker did it!"

"CABOOOOOOSE!" hollered Church.

.:-:.

"We tell them the truth. That they're just a bunch of characters from a web series in an alternate universe, that we know everything about them, and that everyone loves Caboose the best." Jessie cracked a small smile at the last part.

"BUT WHAT IF ONE OF THEM BREAKS? IN THE HEAD?" shouted Texas. Everyone in the angry mob who heard was immediately confused.

"Well, that's their fault for having a bad head. You know, now that I think about it, Caboose might be the only one who would understand us if we told them," Jessie laughed. "Because, you know, Caboose.."

"Yeah.. Dee would break again and that is bad because Eppy would go super saiyan." Texas bit her lip. "I'm not sure if this is the best plan..."

.:-:.

"Where are those fuckers?" grumbled Church.

"Freckles! Do you know where the nice ladies are?" asked Caboose

"AFFIRMATIVE," bellowed Freckles.

"Yay!"

.:-:.

"This might be a problem..," murmured Jessie.

.:-:.

"Freckles! Lead the way!" Caboose sang.

"EXECUTING ORDER..," boomed Freckles

"Caboose I swear to go-" Church halted when Freckles began to speak.

"DO NOT SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERIOR THAT WAY." Freckles swiveled his cannons to point at Church.

"..O-okay..," he stuttered.

"They're right over there. In plain sight. Let's get them..," remarked Wash.

.:-:.

"UM, WE MIGHT HAVE TO GO, NOW NOW NOW NOW!" Texas grabbed everything she could hold and sprinted into the cave. She hid behind a very large rock, and then tried to put on the armor. "How the fuck do you even get this on?"

Jessie smiled, "Here! Have these instructions I conveniently have!"

"Thank you." She put on the armor quickly. "Why did I think that was hard? Now to put in these attachy thingies..."

"Oh, look!" Jessie exclaimed, "Convenient slots to place them in!"

"Everything is very convenient for some reason! Let's enter random commands into these hologram things with the help of these easy-for-even-a-small-child-to-understand instructions!" Texas grinned a little, smile hidden underneath her visor.

"Indeed. Wait.." Jessie stared at something outside the cave. "Oh. My. Goblobberskins."

"What? Is Caboose throwing cupcakes? Is Grif actually doing something productive of his own will for once? The suspense is killing me."

"No.. It... It's..," Jessie gulped, almost afraid to say what was on her mind. "Sarge and Church are doing Caramelldansen, like, dancing and everything!"

"I have no idea what that is, but from what I've read, I don't want to know ever."

"Now they're doing the happy joy dance!" Jessie yelled, a little interested in what was going on with Church and Sarge.

"I heard that song and it was bad."

"They're watching My Little Pony together!" Jessie exclaimed. "What the fuck?"

"Does there happen to be any convenient voice mods around here?"

"Now.. They're... Hugging... each other..." Jessie said, looking at them for a while before what Texas asked came to her brain. "Huh? Why?"

"Oh, I just have a fun idea."

Caboose popped into the cave. "What is it you want to tell me?" he asked.

"Caboose, what? When- wha- wh- HOW? I didn't even mention you.."

"I don't know," Jessie answered before looking back at Church and Sarge."Sarge and Church are jumping up and down holding hands while screaming 'ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM!' now.."

Texas sang as she rummaged through the items, "Voice mod thiiiing, voice mod thiiiiiing!"

"Sorry, we don't have any convenient voice mod things," Jessie told her, shaking her head.

"Dang." Texas thought, Wait, I don't need a voice mod. She turned on her camo. "Woo, time to fuck with everyone!" She then snuck outside of the cave, even though she was invisible and didn't need to. She hid so the shimmer was barely visible and threw rocks at Church and Sarge, the bronies.

A Red soldier ran out of a building, yelling "NO! THE MYSTICAL ROCKS WILL TAKE OUR FLAG! OUR WORLD IS FOREVER DOOMED!" There was a short silence as everyone stared at him.

Texas slipped up behind the soldier and bashed him over the head with a particularly large rock, sprinting away while cackling madly, "Ahahahaha! Sometimes I have too much fun."

Sarge and Church began to happily sing, against all laws of the universe, "MY LITTLE PONY! MY LITTLE PONY!"

Texas threw a rock at Church's head. "Shut up, for the love of kittens!"

Church yelled, "No! My life is that of a brony! I will not let go!"

Grif stared. "There are no words.."

Texas kept throwing rocks at Church, missing about half the time."Wow! Your aim is almost as bad as Church's!" Jessie exclaimed, a little surprised by this reality.

Church ducked, trying to block the stone assault with his arms. "What did I ever do to you?! I just said I liked the show! Stop it, invisible rock thrower!"

Epsilon laughed, enjoying this, "Keep throwing! I wanna see how this ends."

Texas continued to throw rocks, missing even more besides the fact that she was trying harder to hit him. Her aim continued to get worse as time went on. "Aghhhhh!" She began to yell in frustration. "WHY AM I SO BAD AT AIMing... should-not-have-yelled-should-not-have-yelled-should-not-have-yelled!" She ran away and circled back to hide again.

Caboose smiled and waved to one thing in the distance. "Hello, other person!"

Jessie blinked. "Other person?"

Caboose nodded. "Yes! The other person over there!"

"Over wher- oh, shit!" Jessie looked over to where Caboose was waving, and saw the Meta, against all odds. "FUCK! I thought you were dead!" She hopped up and sprinted for the cave, leaving Caboose behind.

~•~

**Damn it Blues! Why do ya gotta keep unkilling things we've already killed!**

_Good god, I am so terrible at fighting. Especially writing fighting. It's the worst shit you will ever see. _


	9. Taking out the Meta

_We have way too much of this, and schedules are boring. I'm gonna post all willy-nilly, and nobody can stop me! Nooooobody!_

**Meta, you're about to get SARGED. YEE HAW!**

_**Disclaimer**: Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

_First originally "storymode" chapter. If it was stilted before, that should be mostly resolved. Mostly. _

~•~

"Caboose, shush!" Texas tackled Caboose. "Wait a sec, okay? Stay right here."

"Okay!" he replied cheerfully.

Texas flicked off her camo, yanked off her helmet, and shooed the others away. "Go, hide!" she hissed. The confused soldiers simply did as told, her mildly frightened and agitated expression telling them all they needed to know at the second.

She grabbed Caboose and dragged him behind one of the random large rocks, unhappy that she had to leave him alone with the Meta but she knew he would likely give the others away if he was with them. "Stay quiet and stay still, okay Caboose? Play Statues with the rock. -Oh, and remember- Statues don't move or talk," she whispered, turning back on the camo, putting back on her helmet, and hurrying back to where everyone else was, her worries about the situation elaborating themselves and only served to make her even more afraid.

Jessie began pacing inside the cave. "No! He's supposed to be dead! I watched him die! I watched him fall off a freaking cliff! Well, not in person, but you get the point." She sighed, angry with Caboose for not mentioning the Meta earlier. How is he still alive? she asked herself, following the Reds and Blues as they ran to a safe hiding spot.

Wash looked at the Meta, and walked out of the hiding spot, prepping his battle rifle for fire.

"What are you doing?!" Jessie whispered loudly, gesturing him to go back in hiding.

"I am going to have a little run-in with an old friend," Wash answered, aiming the gun.

Texas followed, replying to Jessie's nonquestion. "We both watched him die, Jessie. But him being here is just the same amount of impossible as Carolina being here." She sighed. "This is really going to fucking suck- Wash! No you don't fucking dare! Get back here!" she yelled as quietly as it was possible to yell, as she grabbed him and attempted to yank him back. "Why the fuck is everyone a suicidal idiot?"

Wash pulled out of Texas's grip, "I'm not an idiot. We're going to have to fight back, the Meta will find our hiding spot soon anyways."

Jessie shook her head in disbelief, before grabbing the cloaking armor enhancement from her armor and handing it to Wash.

"Where did you get that?" He asked skeptically, and Jessie was quick to reply.

"Convenience." She smiled. Those were a pretty convenient couple of minutes, she added to herself. Wash didn't question her any further, but instead took the enhancement, applying it to his own armor, and he turned invisible.

Jessie looked at Texas to see how she would react to her letting Wash just go like that. Grif spoke up first, though, "We're going to die here, aren't we?"

Texas threw up her arms and angrily muttered something that sounded like "Stupid idiot can get himself killed it's not like I care..." She turned to the group. "Who votes to go help Wash or to get out of here while he fights the Meta alone?"

Grif was the first to answer, "Meh, I think I'll pass."

Church spoke up next, "Hate to agree with the lazy one, but I don't want to fight the giant killer freelancer that wants us dead."

"Well, I think it could be a great opportunity to get Grif killed," Sarge argued.

"Indeed, sir!" Simmons said.

"Uh... No," Jessie spoke last.

Texas subconsciously counted on her fingers. "1, 2.. Okay, so is that 3 votes for running the fuck away and 2 for fighting the Meta?" She looked at the group. "Isn't there more than 5 of us..?"

Tucker nodded, "There is, but.. Yeah, I say we run the fuck away while that thing's distracted."

"And I vote to give it a piece of my mind," Tex replied.

"I do enjoy a good fight," Carolina said.

Texas again counted on her fingers, not noticing that they ticked themselves off as she counted in her head. "Aaaaand it's a tie. Great." She held her head in her hands. "Unless the A.I.s get a vote or whatever."

Donut spoke next, "I say we throw him in the biggest hole you've ever seen! He was with that guy who shot me.." Everyone could hear Wash's whistling in the distance.

Doc decided to vote as well, "While I don't think running away is a very good idea, I also don't want to fight him. Is there a way to have a civilized conversation and figure out his problems so we can solve them as a family?" Everyone groaned at his nature.

"Hey! I should get a say in this! I am as much of one of you guys as the rest of you! Ahem, Let's leave Wash behind and actually live. Done," Epsilon said.

Texas stared at Doc. "Yeah, I think that's still a tie. We are never going to decide, are we?"

Freckles spoke now, somehow in a robot body instead of Caboose's gun, "IT IS THE PRIMARY OBJECTIVE TO ELIMINATE THE HOSTILES SURROUNDING OUR AREA."

"Guh!" Texas shook her head to clear away the temporary shock. "Okay, I think that means yes wins. I have to go find a gun or something..."

Grif growled, "Oh, Fuck this!"

"I'll grab my sword," Tucker mumbled getting up.

"Thank goodness we all have armor," Jessie said, "But before we run in, shouldn't we get a plan?"

"A plan?" Sarge echoed, "Now I think I know what you're lookin' for. I say Grif runs at the Meta, and while it's distracted by ripping Grif apart, we come in, and kill it! It will be a worthy sacrifice."

"Fuck you, too," Grif muttered.

"Gun, gun, need a gun," Texas chanted softly. "Can't fight a big scary monsterman without a gun." Texas stopped in her tracks upon hearing Sarge's plan. "I have a different plan. Me, Jessie, and whoever else has camo should go invis and shoot at the Meta, distracting him as the others rush in and take him out while he's not paying attention to them. That sound good?"

Texas continued to rummage around for a gun in vain, silently hoping that Wash wouldn't be dead by the time they got there to help him.

"Uh... You do know I gave my cloaking to Wash, right?" Jessie asked, sitting down.

"Nope. Now, can somebody help me find a gun and give me a crash course in how to use it? Never used a gun before."

"Yeah, we don't exactly have guns just lying around," Grif pointed out.

"You went into a ship which had 'future cubes' and probably a lot of weaponry.. yet you didn't take anything out but the cubes?" Texas sighed.

"Well, I wasn't looking at any of the guns. The future cubes just caught my eye," Grif said.

"Take mine," said Jessie. "I was always more for hand-to-hand combat, anyways." She threw the pistol she had at Texas. "Just turn off the safety, point it, and pull the trigger. Or something, I haven't shot that thing in forever."

"...It's safe to say that I have no idea how to do anything you just said."

Tex went up to Texas, "I'll give you a little tutorial." She then explained everything there is to know.

"Uh, guys?" Simmons asked, "Shouldn't be be out there by now? I don't think Washington will last that long.."

"Oh, right!" Everyone said.

"Yeah, we should go." Texas flicked on her camo and ran as fast as she could out of the cave and shot at the Meta.

The Meta growled... before suddenly turning into a butterfly.

"Wait, what?!" exclaimed Jessie, watching the scene take place. As she looked around, she saw Wash with a magic wand in his hand, aimed at the butterfly-Meta. "H-how did you.."

"I'm a magician," Wash answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Duh," Church and Epsilon said in unison.

~•~

**Stupid Blues and their newfangled magic. Can't even appreciate a good killin. **

_I'm not kidding, I'm terrible at fight scenes. This is so badly written it's ridiculous._


	10. RWBY and Lost AI

**Heh heh, Blue! You fight for nothin!**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue and RWBY, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

_**Also, neat fact: When Tucker turns off his music, that's the first block of text that wasn't in the PMs. Or close to it. Yay.**_

~•~

"Goddamnit, goddamnit, goddamnit," she muttered as she ran across the field. Her shots only missed, pinging on rocks and burying themselves into the ground. "I hope he doesn't fuckin see me.." Texas froze, seeing the Meta suddenly turn into a butterfly. "MAN, FUCK YOU WASH!" she screamed, chucking her pistol at him.

"What did I do?" Wash asked.

"_Nothing_, aghhhh I hate all of you.." She then ran off to some hill. Silver Stone Ruby appeared, snapped her fingers, shrugged, and disappeared once more.

"Uh.. Something's telling me this isn't Vale," Yang stated, watching what was going on. Ruby nodded her agreement, while Blake did her best to find out where they were.

"I hate people, I hate people- OH MY GOD PEOPLE AAAAAA!" Texas screamed, falling backwards after seeing Ruby and those other people. "WHAT THE FUCK?" Her camo switched off as an odd safety measure.

Ruby offered Texas a hand, "Hi. I'm Ruby! ...Who are you, exactly?"

"Texas. Don't confuse me with Tex down there though, I'm much weaker than she is." She took Ruby's hand, and got up. "Thanks.. Wait, Ruby? Man, I've never met anyone who had the name Ruby in real life before. It's always ...fictional characters..."

Wait," Weiss said, getting a closer look at the Reds and Blues. "This looks familiar.."

"Familiar?" Yang echoed. "Do you know them?"

"Not quite. But they look just like SPARTANs from the game Halo."

"Halo? Oh, I've played that before," Yang said. "Now that you mention it, they do look a bit like it.."

"I'm pretty sure I'm real," Ruby laughed.

"...Oh, good lord. This is Halo, lady. Well, not _really_ Halo, but it's kind of the same thing. And no, you are not. None of this is real, none of this is real, none of this is real.. I need to shut up, don't I? GOODBYEEEEE." Texas ran off, hurriedly turning on her camo as she sprinted as fast as she possibly could to get away from all the fictional characters. "_WHY ME?_"

"Uh.. Is she okay?" Ruby asked.

"I don't know," answered Yang.

"She said this _was_ Halo?" Weiss asked, "B-but that's just a video game!"

"EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS A LIIIIIE!" Texas screamed.

The RWBYs glanced at each other, before Ruby put a hand to her mouth, whispering "Craaaaazyyyyyy..."

"At least I don't look like some weird anime person! Although being part cat would be kind of cool, being like murdered and shit because of it would be so not fun.. Wait, how the fuck do you have Xboxes and video games? Like, your shit runs on fairy dust or some crap. How the fuck does that even work? How the fuck does your sniper scythe even work? How did I get back here? Why is my camo off again? I wish Felix had knifed me, this is bullshit."

"I'm here if you need me," Felix said from right behind Texas.

"OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK? HOW DID YOU GET HERE?" Texas shoved him. "Get away from me!"

"One second you're wishing I knifed you and then next you're pushing me away," Felix said, "Well, you're getting knifed anyways."

"AAAAA!" Texas ran away, pushing the RWBY characters out of her way. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"Umm.. should we help her?" Yang asked.

"I don't know..," answered Ruby.

"THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT TO DIE!" She sprinted/skidded down the hill and crashed into Caboose. "SAVE MEEEEEE!"

"Huh?" asked Caboose, who turned around and saw the RWBYs. "Oh. Hello!" He waved his hand.

"CABOOSE, FELIX IS AFTER ME, HELP."

"Felix? Why would Felix be after you? Are you playing tag?" Asked Caboose.

"NO WITH HIS KNIVESSSS." Texas began incoherently babble about Felix and knives.

Caboose looked at Texas, "Knife Tag? I never heard of that. How do you play it?" Texas still continued to talk nonsense about dying and knives and Felix, not answering Caboose's question. Because Knife Tag is not a thing. Caboose tried to understand. "So Felix is friends with a knife... and he wants to introduce his knife-friend to you?"

"Yes-" and then she continued to prattle on incoherently, and everyone silently wondered why weren't they doing anything.

"Uh.. Felix left. He took a plane to Sidewinder," Jessie said.

"..What."

"Yeah," said Jessie, "He left, like, 20 minutes ago."

"Why does _nobody_ tell me anything?"

"You probably wouldn't have listened because you were too busy babbling."

"I was panicking, because he threatened to _knife me_."

"Of course you were.."

"I hear the disbelief in your tone... jerk," Texas huffed. "Man, I wish- wait a sec." Texas moved away from Caboose and snuck up behind Tucker. "Tucker. Tucker. Tuuuuuuckerrrrr. Tucker! Tuckerrrr! Tucker, Tucker, Tucker, Tuuuuuckerrr!"

Tucker didn't react in the slightest to Texas' bothering. In frustration, Texas took a deep breath and began to yell. "TUCKERRRRRRR! TUUUUUCKERRRRR! TUUUUUCKKKKEERRR!" However, Tucker never heard any of Texas' yelling; he was listening to music in his helmet. Texas mustered up all she could and yelled at the top of her lungs, "TUUUUUUUUUCKKERRRRR!" Tucker gave a small flinch, thinking he may have heard something, but shrugged it off as the wind. Exasperated, Texas backed up and then tried to tackle Tucker. "TUUUUUCKKKKEERRRR!" Tucker turned around at the sudden weight.

"..." Wash looked on, mildly confused.

Texas continued to cling to Tucker, angry and frustrated. "TUCKERRRRR." Then she realized as she was rather weighty, she was probably accidentally strangling Tucker. She promptly let go of him, landing on the ground with a thud. "Man, I'm like.. Grif-tier out of shape." Texas flopped on the ground. "Ughhhhh. Fuck you, Tucker."

Tucker looked at Texas, staring at her as thoughts on what he could say ran through his mind. It wasn't often that he got tackled by girls.. unless they wanted to kill him, painfully.

"You suck. Seriously, who the fuck has music so loud the only way to get their attention is to, like, body slam them?"

Tucker pressed a button, turning the music that for some reason he was the only one who could hear off. Jessie came up next to Texas, along with Weiss, because RWBY.

"Y'all are living a lie."

"Well, you don't have to ruin it for them!" Jessie told Texas.

"THEY BEAT UP MONSTERS NAMED AFTER MEN WHO WROTE CHILDREN'S FAIRY TALES! I AM ALLOWED TO DESTROY FALSE REALITY!"

"Not cool. Not cool at all," said Jessie, shaking her head. "Do they look fake to you? I can see them, I can touch them, and I'm pretty sure I could taste them if I wanted to!"

"This is why I never tried to write any of those stories where I get dropped into the universe of whatever fandom and have knowledge of what's going to happen and shit. It turns into me telling everyone that they're fake and spoiling their entire future."

In the distance, footsteps were heard. Silver (as to not be mixed with Ruby from RWBY) popped into the world, right next to Texas. "Didn't you say once you were writing one of those, though? I read it in a comment."

"Yeah, but in that I gave myself amnesia because I knew that if I didn't I would write me telling everyone _so_ many spoilers."

Silver nodded, "I tend to do that at times."

Church walked up to Silver, "Uh.. Was she here earlier? I don't remember anyone else."

"Ruby? Wait, which Ruby, now I've confused myself. Who are you talking about exactly?" Texas got up into a sitting position because she realized that talking was awkward when you were laying down.

"I'm talking about the random girl, not the anime girls! Fuck, I don't know, all of you!"

"The anime girls and.. Uh.. Her," she said, pointing to Silver, "were not here earlier."

Silver considered something. "You know? Technically, we're all Rubies. Whether Ruby, Ruby, or a part of RWBY. That's why you should call me Silver when they're around."

"Kayyyy. Yeah, sooo I was about to ask Tucker if he'd met you, but that's useless now."

"You know, now that I think about it, she does look a bit familiar," Jessie and Tucker said in perfect unison.

"Oh, right. Forgot about Jessie also having crazy dreams." Texas got up, stretching her arms. "Hey, has anyone seen any of the fragments since the Meta appeared? Because I have not."

"Uh..." Jessie started. "I saw Epsilon. Not the others, though."

"The last time I saw any of the AI that weren't in Church-form was when Dee swapped personalities with O'Malley. I think the Meta may have taken them." Texas shook her head. "I don't think a butterfly can have AI..."

Wash came up, "Well, maybe the Meta didn't take them. It wouldn't hurt to-"

"And then he exploded. It was a pretty explosion," Caboose finished his story, with Theta beside him.

"Caboose?" Everyone exclaimed.

"You have the AI?" asked Jessie.

"Just the pink one," Caboose said.

"I AM NOT PINK!" Theta screamed. "I AM LIGHT RED!"

~•~

**No son, yer pink. Donut may insist upon you bein 'lightish red' or whatever he keeps goin on about, but he's lyin. Don't listen to Donut. **


	11. Unanswered Dragons and Burning Questions

_Nobody seems to give three fucks about the update schedule. I'm gonna post like 3 because I might have technical difficulties with posting and shit throughout the week(although I'm probably overreacting who cares?)._

**Damn teleportin Blues!**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue and RWBY, guys. And Disney owns Frozen. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"But.. Isn't that just pink?" Katherine asked, appearing out of nowhere.

"NO!"

"Uh.. Should we help them?" Ruby asked, as Yang shrugged. Silver looked around to see if anyone was watching her, and disappeared. A small green spider lurked in the darkness.

"..Bye.," Texas said, waving to where Silver once was.

A white mist came, taking the memory of Silver from everyone but Texas. Only a slight familiarity of her appearance and name remained.

"Theta, do you know where the others are?"

"Nope."

Suddenly, a Federal Army guy appeared out of nowhere, along with a random snowman. They appeared to have been in the middle of something together. _**SUDDENLAY**_, the snowman stabbed him with a glowing sword. "But... Why snowman?" The guy asked, before dying. Suddenly, a second Tucker came out of the snowman. A Tucker that _didn't_ know who Jessie was. Because, alternate universes, and original storyline.

"Hi, Tucker Dos.O," greeted Texas.

"Wait, what the fuck?" Tucker Dos.O asked, looking at everyone.

"Tucker, meet Tucker Dos.O! Tucker Dos.O, meet Tucker!" Texas introduced.

The two Tuckers looked at each other, staying silent for a long time.

"I see you two do not like each other. Oh well."

"What. The. Fuck," repeated Tucker Dos.O.

"Hi," Tucker said.

"Wait," Jessie started, "Aren't you surprised by any of this?"

"Have you _seen_ the shit that happened here? This is nothing!" Tucker exclaimed, doing a few gestures as well.

"What. The. Fuck," Tucker Dos.O said, again.

"Is he a broken record or something?" Grif asked.

"It sounds that way," Church agreed.

"Tucker?" Wash asked Tucker, then looked at Tucker Dos.O, "Tucker? How did you get here?"

Tucker Dos.O snapped out of his temporary trance, shaking his head, "Wash?"

"Why were you inside a snowman?" Washington questioned.

"I was trying to rescue you!"

"Wait, why would he need rescuing?" Church asked, Epsilon appearing next to him.

"Church?" Tucker Dos.O asked, "Two Churches? And only one has a body.. What the fuck is going on here!?"

"Uh.. I think Tucker is confused," Caboose said. "...Tucker did it."

"How does that even make sense?" Tucker asked.

"Hmm.. Now there's eight of them," Sarge muttered. "Simmons! We're outnumbered!"

"Wait, Sarge?" Tucker Dos.O asked, attention now directed towards the Red leader.

"I think Tucker Dos.O needs an explanation," Jessie stated.

"Huh? Who the fuck is she?" Tucker Dos.O asked.

"Oh, that's it?" Jessie asked, "No pick-up lines or anything because I'm a girl?"

"I'm way too fucking confused for that shit," Tucker Dos.O muttered. "How are you all here? It doesn't make sense!"

"When was the last time we ever made sense?" Jessie questioned herself, thinking about the things that had happened recently.

"This universe is breaking, Tucker Dos.O. I think. Pretty sure. It explains why magic exists and the RWBY characters. And why nothing ever makes sense in the long run. It explains why I'm here, too." Texas walked out of the crowd and offered Tucker Dos.O a hand. "I'm Texas. Do not confuse me with Tex."

"Tex? Is she here?" Tucker Dos.O asked.

"Yes. ...I dunno where exactly, though."

"I think Tex disappeared a while ago," Jessie said.

"Sucks to be her then. She doesn't get to see this madness."

Tucker Dos.O sucked in a breath."Well, thank god Tex isn't here."

"Oh! Wash, I was just thinking – Is Carolina your sister? I mean, you're blond, and I'm pretty sure she's blond too underneath all that red dye. Annnd I'm not really sure what else I'm going on with that."

"...What?" Wash asked, completely confused.

"Are you. Carolina's brother. Yes or no. Alsooooo where is she? I do not want a real life Frozen going down."

"That sounds like a dream I had," Tucker muttered.

"Wait, you mean like those ice powers she got?" Epsilon asked, "By the way, no one's fault she has those.."

"She has ice powers?" Jessie asked.

"Wait.. you didn't notice?" Church questioned. "Like, that time she accidently froze Caboose's head?"

"What?" asked Jessie, who shook her head. "Anyways, the last time I saw Carolina was when everyone's personalities got switched. She left after that, and didn't come back."

"Oh no, ice castles. Looks like time to go to Sidewinder," Texas said.

"Why Sidewinder?" Jessie questioned.

"I remember that she froze Sidewinder? Kind of? Anyways, that's probably where she is. Let's go."

"Carolina _froze_ Sidewinder!?" Jessie shouted, "How do you even know this!?"

"Double existence? Hell, I don't know."

"Soo.. We're going to Sidewinder, then?"

"Yes."

"How do we plan on getting there, exactly?" Washington asked.

"You're a magician, Epsilon's a magician, Church's a magician. All the fragments are probably also magicians."

"Our powers have limits," Epsilon explained. "We can't just teleport groups of people light-years away on cue!"

"Make a spaceship, idiot."

"I... don't actually know how to do that yet."

"Or, we could see about repairing any of the broken spaceships already here. This _is_ Chorus, right?"

"Actually, I think this place is called Hell."

"You sure? Cause I'm pretty sure this is Chorus. With the space pirates. And a thousand broken ships to repair magically and take."

"Hell seems more likely," Tucker told Texas.

"There's still probably broken spaceships. And if you can't get out, how did Carolina?"

"Not with a spaceship," Church explained. "She had this weird time-teleporter thingy and went to Sidewinder thousands of years in the past. How do you think it got frozen in the first place?"

"Fuck her then. Hey, how is Epsilon here without Carolina?"

"Don't you know this already?" Epsilon sighed. "I. Am a fucking magician."

"But, like, you glitched the fuck out when your hologram strayed a little more than two yards from Carolina when you were trying to tell Tucker and Caboose about how she wasn't crazy or whatever that one time. Also, I bet you have no idea what I'm referring to."

Epsilon paused for a bit. "I don't want to talk about it," he said, sounding almost embarassed.

"Fiiiiiine. Wash, you never answered my question. Is Carolina your sister or did the top Freelancer team just have way too many blonds?"

"Is there a problem with blonds?" Jessie asked, sounding offended.

"No. My cousins are blond, and they are some of the pleasantest people I have ever met. However, the hair color blonde is not caused by dominant genes. It's somewhat likely that you were related and it sort of explains why you were the team's worst fighter but still on it."

"Wait," Church started, looking at Washington, "You were the team's _worst_ fighter? But you're good at it! I don't want to know who were the better ones."

"Maine, South, North, York, Tex, Carolina, Wyoming, Florida.. Pretty sure they were all better than him. He only became good after Epsilon wrecked him."

"Wow. You made him sound like he completely sucked!"

"I don't remember him fighting well.. But there wasn't much focus on him. Oh, and he was gullible like you would never believe. The things York and North told him..."

"Are you sure we're talking about the same guy?"

"He really changed after Epsilon killed himself inside his head. Developed this rock hard layer of badass and stay out of my head."

"Uh.. nice story?" Jessie said, more like a question than anything. "What were we talking about before?"

"1. Wash, are you Carolina's brother. 2. We need to get a ship to go to Sidewinder to find Carolina."

"We should be going now.." RWBY said, turning into dragons and flying away.

"Let's get back to that, then," said Jessie.

~•~

***sniff* glorious Red dragon army..**


	12. Frozen is Coming

**The hell you goin on about, Blue?**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. And Disney owns Frozen. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"1 or 2?" asked Texas.

"What do you care more about?"

"Meh. Since this is a false timeline 1 wouldn't really matter, would it?"

"A false timeline?" Grif repeated. "What are you on?"

"In the real timeline, all the fragments, Tex, and Church are pretty much dead forever, I'm not here, Jessie's not here, and nobody has magic powers," Texas explained.

"Speaking of which.." Silver muttered, pointing to the spot where Tucker Dos.O was, but now wasn't.

"Oh. Looks like Tucker Dos.O went back to the real timeline." Texas shrugged.

"Oh, no," Silver laughed, looking almost cheerful. "He got so mindfucked he exploded into a million pieces!"

"How.. Delightful..?"

"Sorry," Silver muttered. "I think I have a case of Dr. Grey."

"Yup." Texas nodded.

"Why does she keep coming out of nowhere?" Tucker asked, pointing to Silver.

"Silver, you did the mindwipe wrong last time."

Silver shook her head, "I don't think so.. He must be blocking it somehow."

"Who is she?" Church asked.

"My friend. It's the sword, Silver! We have to get it away from him if you want to mindwipe properly."

"What are you talking about!?" Tucker shouted. "Why do you know each other? Why does she keep coming here?"

"Give me your damn sword. I know her because I exist somewhere else, and I don't know. Cause she wants to, I guess."

"You exist somewhe- nevermind, I'm not giving you my sword!"

Jessie scratched her head, "What is that singing noise?"

"IT'S CAROLINA, GODDAMNIT! I DON'T WANT INTENSE WINTER! NOOOO!"

"Is she okay?" Simmons asked, looking at Texas.

"IF SHE'S SINGING LET IT GO SHE'S MAKING WINTER GODDAMNIT! And, since Wash will not say if he's her brother and York is dead, I'm pretty sure we're going to all live in an eternal winter unless we get the fuck off this planet!"

"I'm right here," came a voice. Everyone turned in the direction it came from, and found York.

"As soon as it starts snowing you need to go make out with Carolina." Texas said.

"I-wha... You're not even surprised!?" Exclaimed Jessie.

"Church died, he came back. Texas died, she came back. Epsilon commited suicide, he came back. Carolina died, she came back. Donut died, he came back."

"Carolina and Donut were never dead," Jessie said.

"They were assumed to be dead. Carolina fell off the bazillion foot high cliff of death and Donut got.. What, shot in the face? Yeah. Who's to say what happened with Donut didn't happen to York? Oh, and Wash, shut up. I don't care."

"But-" Wash started.

"Simmons saw Donut's corpse and you saw York's corpse, whatever, don't pull that shit on me."

"Delta said he was dead. That's more reliable than Doc," Washington pointed out.

"Delta can lie, Wash. You got him to, what's to say he didn't decide to lie about York?"

"But... He blew up!"

"But he's _right here_." Texas looked up to see if snow had started falling. It had.

"He blew up!"

"But he's _RIGHT HERE_!"

"He. Blew. Up."

"York, did you blow up?" Texas questioned, turning to face York.

"No, I was saved by-" York was cut off by a unidentifiable figure tackling him.

"Are you okay, York?" Texas stepped forward.

"Uh.. His mouth is covered in tape," Jessie commented

"I'm just going to tell you: I'm sort of blind." Texas crept around, looking for anymore ninjas before ripping off the tape like a bandaid.

"Who tackled him?" Grif asked.

"What color did you see?"

"..A lot of colors."

"...Someone with armor that changes color.. Any Freelancer. Kay."

"It wasn't Carolina," York said, standing up.

"No shit, York. I'm pretty sure she would have stayed. Or taken you."

"Any ideas?" Jessie asked.

"Well, there was probably about 50 Freelancers. It couldn't have been Wash, Carolina, York, or Maine. Doesn't really narrow it down much."

"Who said it was a Freelancer?"

"I did. It could also be not a Freelancer.. But if you widen it that much, there's pretty much no chance of finding out who it is."

"Where did that Silver chick go?" Asked Tucker, looking around.

"Silver, you forgot to mindwipe. And take Tucker's sword while you do it this time."

"I don't think she's here," Jessie said. "Where did you see her last?"

"It doesn't matter. She can teleport here."

"Silver?" York asked. "That one with the brown hair and the fancy scarf?"

"Maybe?"

"I think she's the one who tackled him," Church told everyone.

Texas placed a plaid detective hat on Church's head. "Congrats, you are now Sherlock Holmes."

"Uh.."

"What? He's one of the greatest fictional detectives ever of all time!" Texas grinned slyly at Wash as she said the last bit.

"Can Church even see properly?" Tucker asked. "Cause he can't aim worth shit."

"He needs glasses."

"Can an AI wear glasses?"

"I think he has to program himself some."

"Let it go! Let it go! Can't hold it back anymore!"

"Uh.. Who's singing?" Simmons asked.

Texas clenched her fists. "Carolina! It's about to start snowing. Also, does anyone have some babies I can maul?"

~•~

**Stupid Blues and their magic snow powers.**


	13. Finding Agent Carolina

**She certainly doesn't have a case of Doc, you damn Bluetard. **

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. And Disney owns Frozen. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"I think you have a case of Dr. Grey," Silver said, taking away everyone's memory of her once more, before disappearing.

"My sister sings this goddamn song every day. York, go find the nearest really really tall mountain and look for an ice palace. Wash, go with him, because if York fails I'm pretty sure you'll succeed."

"Where is York, anyways?"

"Damnit."

"I think he went towards that giant mountain over there," Jessie suggested.

"Fuck it, everyone let's go!" Texas shouted and started to walk in the direction that the mountain was in.

"Not let's go," Jessie smirked, "Let it go!"

"JESSIE DO YOU _WANT_ TO DIE?" Texas yelled.

"Ahem, DO YOU WANNA BUILD A SNOWMAN?" Jessie sang loudly.

Texas ran back, yanked off Jessie's helmet, and slapped her across the face. "No. Shut up."

"You know, I can fight without a weapon," Jessie said.

"Don't care."

"Where'd Wash go?" Tucker asked.

"With York. You wanna follow or naw?"

"Wait.." Jessie said, holding her hands up.. "If this really is like Frozen, and _if_ Wash is Carolina's brother, and Carolina is Elsa and Wash is Anna, wouldn't that mean York is that reindeer thing, and that other person with them is Krist-"

"...What?" Church asked.

"Obviously, this is not exact. Who's Hans? Nobody. The reindeer is like, a Warthog or something, Olaf is some random guy they meet or is a snow version of pre-Epsilon Wash, and Kristoff may or may not exist."

"Who's York?"

"York is a love interest who was never present in the movie. Remember, not exact. There was no Hans person for Wash so, you know, yeah."

Jessie let out a sigh of relief, "Because, if York was Kristoff... That would just be weird."

"Yeah.." _I read a fic with that ship once..._

Suddenly, York came down the mountain on a warthog, Wash in the passenger seat, and some random snow-person at the turret.

"Let me guess. Carolina has been captured and is the other way, and Wash really is her brother. Did he get hit in the heart? Cause then I think we need to find some random girl."

"Okay, spot on," York said. "Though I don't know about the 'random girl' part.."

"He's totally screwed if his love interest person doesn't kiss him. Cause he will turn into a block of ice."

"He's going to _what!?_" The snow-person, who looked remarkably like Wash, shouted.

"He will turn into a block of ice and die. Hi... Snow-Wash? Oh! Wash! Who is the person you like because we want you to not die."

"What does me liking someone have to do with dying?" Washington asked.

"Becaaauuuse, since this is not exactly Frozen, Carolina's tears might not bring you back to life. So you need true love's kiss. Or something, I didn't ever pay attention to if it was actually a kiss or not."

"Did we land in a Disney movie or something?" York asked.

"Frozen is a Disney movie, so yes."

"Wait.." Jessie gasped, "CABOOSE IS HANS!"

"...What? How is he Hans?" asked Texas in confusion.

"Because, he has, like, a million sisters."

"Oh. Well, Wash is not in love with Caboose then."

"He did take over Blue Base once," Tucker muttered.

"So.. Who's Kristoff then?"

"She's dead," Jessie answered

"..South?.. Oh well. Looks like Wash needs Lina tears." Texas tilted her head. "Hey, shouldn't you guys be going? Wash is going to die at this rate."

As if on cue, Wash's fingertips turned light blue.

"...CAROLINA!"

"Hmm... You aren't being very intelligent at the moment," said the green spider.

"Go free Carolina from her chains, idiots. ..hello, Dee-spider..?"

"First of all," the green spider continued, "This is very much like the movie Frozen, but different. It may take more than an act of true love to fully cure Washington."

"Then, I am no help- oh, that's a spider.. SPIDER SPIDER SPIDER AAAAAA!" Texas ran away and hid behind Sarge.

"Is she being serious?" Jessie asked herself, the looked back at the green spider.

"Kill it!"

"I was right, she isn't a very intelligent one, is she?" The green spider commented.

"Irrational fear!"

"Why did she think you're Delta?" Jessie asked.

"He's little and bright green!"

"That doesn't make someone Delta!"

"Random assumption!"

"Maybe he's supposed to be that rock troll guy," Tucker guessed.

"That guy would be on the mountain, in his shop."

"I don't mean that guy.."

"Oh, I misheard. I think _that_ guy would be with his tribe."

"I guess. But who is he, then?"

"Someone who wasn't present in Frozen originally. York wasn't in Frozen either, you know."

"... Is he Rapunzel?"

"I think Rapunzel would have either short brown hair or really long golden hair. This is a.." Texas shuddered. "...spider."

"You shouldn't waste all this time talking," the spider – Green – said. "Washington may die, and you don't have the slightest clue on how to save him!"

"Lina tears. South's dead body. The Director. Allison?" Texas shrugged. "True friendshi- oh god, no."

"The Elements of Harmony?" Caboose suggested.

"No. Epsilon, Church, you got any clues?"

"Who's Wash's true love?" Church asked.

"South..? She's deader than a doornail. ..unless she decides to just appear from nowhere right now."

"Are you saying South's my true love?" Washington asked, shivering from cold and disgust.

"Fuck man, I don't know. She's the only female Freelancer that it could be. Unless you know who it is, I'm going to say it's her."

"What about CT?" York asked.

"Wasn't she with the Insurrectionist Leader? He took her helmet and impersonated her and shit so I assume they were crazy in love."

"True." Wash's hands had become an icy blue at this point.

"Time's going by quickly," Green said. "We must find Carolina."

"I'm pretty sure she's chained up in a castle dungeon.. The prison in the Capitol?" _Oh wait. This isn't Chorus. Oops. _

"Why don't we look over there!" Caboose pointed to a big sign saying "Castle Dungeons", leading to a tunnel.

"I don't know Caboose, that strikes me as one of those prostitution places or whatever."

"What is prostofusion?"

"You don't want to know.. You wouldn't understand anyways."

"I'll give you $100 to tell me."

"Caboose, I'm not a Freelancer. Nor am I a hooker."

"Hooo-ker?"

"Let's just get Carolina," Jessie said, beginning to walk. Texas followed behind her. Wash's arms and legs were a light blue now.

"WASHINGTON!" Green shouted, going over to Wash as quickly as possible, "There's not much time left.."

"Aw fuck, is the spider the love interest?" Texas groaned.

~•~

**Idiot Blues and their love of spiders!**


	14. Freeze Dance!

_I'm the biggest damn drama queen who ever lived. Disregard me being stupid and overreacting in the future. _

**Retreat! The Blues have teamed up with spiders! This a horror nobody, not even Grif, should have to endure!**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. And Disney owns Frozen. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"No," Green said. "But I have known Washington for a long time."

"Are you Maine?"

"No. Maine is dead."

"No, he's a butterfly. Unless you ate him. Then he's dead."

"Actually, I stepped on him," Jessie admitted.

"What butterfly lets you step on it?"

"He was very disfigured."

"Wash, you make terrible butterflies."

"F-f-f-fuck y-y-you..."

"Why are you still anywhere near us? You guys are in a car! We're walking!"

"He used the radio, dumbass," Church said.

"I'm sort of blind. I literally have no idea where you are. Like, are you behind me? Is Tex behind me? Where is the spider? Where's the Reds? Is Jessie in front of me? I don't know."

"Forget Church, _you're _the one who needs their eyes checked," Tucker muttered to himself.

"I already have glasses. This blindness is because I'm in a different universe at the same time, not because I have really bad eyes."

"This way," Green interrupted. He led them through the countryside until they had found what they had come for. Carolina. Except there was one problem, she wasn't there. Just a lot of ice. And broken chains.

"Aw fuck. Wash, I think you have to walk across the sleeting plains of ice. Except you have a car, and York or snow-you can drive you."

"You turned your radio on, right?" Jessie asked.

"It must be on. He heard me when I said he makes bad butterflies and he was using the radio then, and I haven't turned it off since then so yes."

"Well, you're fucked, Texas."

"I have no idea what's going on but I'm expecting to die. Are you talking about O'Malley?"

"Yup."

"Why the fuck would that matter? I'm super weak, Grif-level out of shape, and have no weapons. O'Malley couldn't do shit with me."

"Well... I... Let's just get Carol. Yes, I just called her that."

"Why not Lina? ..You're right, let's go."

They ran out out the dungeons, searching for wherever Carolina may be.

"We know where she is. She's in the sleeting ice plains." The fourth wall shattered temporarily.

Snow-Wash ran up to them, out of breath despite being made of snow. "We may have a problem.."

"She's _not_ in the sleeting ice plains with all the broken boats?"

"No, Washington is completely frozen!"

"Yeah.. That's bad," Jessie said

"...Well, fuck," Texas sighed. "At least we aren't in the sleeting ice plains. I think."

"This isn't right. It should not happen!" Green growled at himself, before taking a deep breath. "Excuse me, I must be leaving now.."

"THE SPIDER IS THE NARRATOR! Or Silver. One of the two."

"..What? Where did that come from?!" Jessie waved her hands in the air.

"He's saying this isn't right. If he's the narrator, he's read the future, he knows what's supposed to happen. But now the tale has deviated from its course. Or, he's Silver. That's less likely, though."

"I am not Silver," Green called, finally going in the direction of Washington. "I have things to do."

"He's the narrator! Or the love interest! But seriously he's gotta be the narrator."

"I am not the narrator! We don't have one of those!"

"Oh. So if you're not the narrator, I must be the narrator. Cool.. But I don't know the future."

"You are not the narrator, either. There is no narrator."

"There is a narrator! Who the fuck do you think is writing this! The narrator!" Texas exclaimed.

"Fuck, stop breaking the fourth wall!" Silver's voice whispered in Texas's ear, before fading.

"Breaking the fourth wall would be talking to the narrator or directing my comments to the readers."

"Whatever! Just.. Ugh! Stop it!"

"Fine."

"Anyways, back to finding Lina!" Jessie declared.

"Well, where do you think she is?"

"Uh.. Somewhere... Over the rainbow?" Jessie gave a smile.

"What about right there?" Church pointed to Carolina on top of a hill shooting ice balls at random people.

"Uh, York. You should drive up to her, because you have Wash," Texas said.

"Already on it," York radioed.

"Oh. Man, I need to pay attention."

"Yes. Yes you do." The warthog drove up to the hill, York came out, did some talking and hand motions, no one could hear what he was saying, and Carolina looked at Washington. She then talked with York, York talked back, and Carolina seemed to get frustrated. She then went down the hill, and looked at the now frozen Washington, and slapped York.

"That was her fault though..," Texas said to nobody in particular.

Carolina stared at Washington, then glanced at York, saying something. York said something back, and Carolina punched him for it. She took off her helmet, looking genuinely sad, but not crying.

"It's like nobody told her that this was Frozen: Red vs Blue edition," she huffed.

York said another thing, which Jessie caught the words "Frozen" and "Reality" in. Carolina looked at York, and he said some more stuff, making Carolina's eyes widen as she looked back at Washington.

"Am I the only one-"

"Shush!" commanded Caboose.

"Jesus."

"So.. How does this work, exactly?" Jessie asked.

"From what I remember, Hans attacks Elsa, Anna saves Elsa – only to turn to ice – Kristoff barely makes it not in time, Elsa cries on Anna, moment of mourning, Anna turns back human, Anna figures out how to end the winter – love, or whatever – and they send Hans back home to await punishment."

"So.. Carolina needs to cry on Wash or whatever?"

"...Well, what if it was the combined act of giving up your life to save another who had neglected you for almost your entire childhood and the tears of genuine sorrow..?"

"Basically, Wash is screwed," Church said.

"So, who the fuck is Hans?"

"Um, guys?" Caboose asked slowly.

"Shut up Caboose," Jessie told him, turning back to Texas. "I don't know. Someone?"

"Is it someone we know?" Church asked.

"I don't kno-"

"STOP THE FUCKING BUS!" Texas shouted. "Caboose, what is it?"

"Why is Mr. Washingtub glowing?"

"I.. I don't remember. He's probably turning back."

"But he is glowing green. And nothing is happening."

"AW SHIT SPIDER WHAT DID YOU DO?"

~•~

**Well. It seems the spiders have betrayed the Blues! Move in, men!**


	15. Square Roots of Imaginary Numbers

**She doesn't, Bludiot. **

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. And Disney owns Frozen. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"How do you know it's the spider?" Jessie questioned.

"The spider was fucking green and was walking towards him earlier. Educated guess."

"That is not spider guy!" Caboose shouted, "That is green glowing person who's name I don't remember!"

"Delta? How can you not remember Delta? Anyways, the spider probably pulled some magic bullshit."

"I know a lot of people.."

"Oh, whatever."

"Caboose is right," Jessie said, before letting out a small shudder at how weird that sounded. "That looks more like Delta than that green spider."

"The fuck is Delta doing?" Texas turned around to try and see for herself.

"Where has Epsilon been?" Tucker asked out of nowhere.

"..Not here?" Jessie tried.

"We can find Epsilon later," Church stated, "Now we need to see what Delta's doing. We should probably get a little closer."

"Since when are you leader?" Tucker asked.

"I've always been the leader. Well, at least when I'm actually here to lead.."

"Somebody tell me what the fuck is happening with Wash," Texas growled. "I can't see shit."

"Uh, let's see here," Jessie leaned in, getting the best view she could of Washington. "He's glowing... green. And Delta is on top of him.."

"What."

"Delta seems to be talking.. Or something."

"Maybe he's explaining the logical fallacies of spontaneously turning into solid ice."

"Is any of what's going on logical?" Jessie shouted, shaking Texas.

"Nnnnnnnoooooooooooooooo.. But this is _Delta_ we're talking about."

"The very essence of logic," Jessie finished. "What if he had emotions?"

"Then he might fall apart trying to reason them out. And he does have them; don't you remember when he got mad?"

"How could I forget?" Jessie then jumped at a noise, turning back in the direction of Wash, and noticing that he was almost unfrozen. "Fuck! We missed it!"

"TUCKER DID IT!" bellowed Caboose.

"I. Didn't." Tucker glared at Caboose.

"Tucker said it.."

"Caboose, stop that," ordered Texas. "You know full well that Tucker didn't do it."

"Yes, Ms. TefesMcMeany."

Delta came over to the group of people. "I do not plan on doing that again."

"Delta? Did you unfreeze Wash?"

"Partially. I helped to make correct calculations, but what I had to do before had made me unwilling to do so again."

"Oh lawdy, did you make out with Wash?" Texas raised her forearms and backed away a few feet. "Because that is just no."

"No," answered Delta.

"What do you mean by calculations?"

"Something above the standards of what the human mind can understand."

"I think that translates into some really complicated shit," Jessie translated.

"You figured out the square root of negative 1?" asked Texas.

"No."

"Square root of 3!"

"No."

"5!"

"Incorrect."

"7!"

"Incorrect."

"11!"

"No."

"13!"

"Shut up!" Jessie slapped her.

"That hurt you more than it hurt me."

"Ugh, wha?" Washington sat up, rubbing his head.

"Congratulations, Dee saved you from a life of being a dead chunk of ice." Texas applauded.

"Delta?"

"..uh, yeah? It was him?"

"You say that as if you're asking a question."

"Because my head hurts and you were all confused and so now I'm confused."

Caboose spoke up, "This is very confusing."

"Caboose, you're stupid. Most things are confusing to you."

"Everything falls into two categories for Caboose," Jessie explained. "Either he doesn't understand it, or he just doesn't care."

"..I think I just quoted Tucker."

"..I think _I _just quoted Tucker."

"Goddamnit Tucker! Stop being so quotable!"

"I feel ashamed now," Jessie muttered.

"Meh."

"So.. Carolina. How are those ice powers coming along?"

"..."

"Carolina?"

"OH NO. Dee transferred his brokenness to Carolina and now _she's_ broken!" Texas shouted.

"..."

"DELTA!" Jessie screamed.

"Are you correcting me or are you mad at him?"

"BOTH!"

"K."

"Ugh," Jessie groaned, plopping onto the ground. "I need a vacation."

"Deeeeeeeeeeeee-lta, whyyyyyyy?"

"..."

"..."

"I think they're both broken.."

"WHYYYYYY?"

"It's official," Jessie sighed, "The universe hates us.."

~•~

**It should! You're a dirty Blue!**


	16. Truth Taxi

**Stupid Blues and their mysteriously disappearing computer people. **

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. And Disney owns Frozen. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"Where are the other AIs? Because I have not seen Sigma, O'Malley, Eta, Iota, or really any of them other than Delta for a while." Texas looked around.

.:-:.

"Damnit!" Epsilon shouted as Sigma silently swept in the chips, "You beat me again!"

"Stop it, Eppy," Theta huffed. "You're a _terrible_ loser."

"Poker is the one game you _won't_ cheat at," O'Malley said. "Take the loss."

"Alright, next deal?" asked Eta after Iota handed him the cards.

"Knock knock!"

Everyone groaned. "Shut _up_, Gamma."

.:-:.

"I'm sure they're fine," Jessie reassured.

"Okay.. But I think we should go find them or the troll people or whatev – hey, isn't Snow-Wash going to melt?"

"I'm going to _what?_ She said I would _what?_" exclaimed Snow-Wash, attempting to hide from the heat.

"Uh. Carolina, if you don't unbreak yourself right now, Snow-Wash is going to have to leave."

"..."

"Whoever's in the jeep, get out. York, you should do something about Carolina, don't know don't care, do something. Snow-Wash, get in the jeep. Time to go to the mountains."

York sat there. "..."

"Ughh, he's broken too."

Jessie nodded, "I think so... This could be bad."

"Is it contagious?" Snow-Wash asked.

"I don't know! Is anyone in the jeep?" Texas waved her arms. "Because I can't see."

"York is," Jessie pointed.

"Then York is getting out." Texas jogged over to the jeep and yanked him out, setting him on the ground. "Do not hog the jeep, York."

"..."

"Snow-Wash! Jessie! Get in the jeep!" Texas ordered.

"Me?" Jessie asked.

"I need a navigator that is not dying."

"Get Tucker, then! Or Grif! Grif can drive!"

"Grif, are you broken?" Texas faced the orange man.

Grif looked at her, "I don't think so.. Wait, does that mean I have to drive? Then I'm totally broken. Yeah."

"Get in the car, you're driving."

"At least let me bring my Oreos!"

"Don't care, just drive!" Texas got into the passenger seat.

"Bye, Snow-Wash," Jessie waved. She looked back at the group, "So... are we done being Frozen? Carolina?"

"..."

"..Right. Anyways, Wash is alive! Hurray!" Jessie did a small jump.

"Grif, start the fucking car already." Texas said impatiently.

"Don't rush me!"

"We don't have time to not rush you! _Snow-Wash is going to die._" Texas paused. "..Unless he's already a puddle, and then it's your fault."

"Okay, okay!" Grif started the jeep. He began to drive towards the nearest snowy mountain.

"I'm going to read." Texas took her phone which had mysteriously respawned out of her nonexistent pocket. "Man, you wouldn't think there's internet in the middle of nowhere, but there is. Snow-Wash, are you at least semi-alright?"

"Uh.. You could say that.." Snow-Wash said, though he was melting quick.

"Jesus, can't this jeep go any faster? It's not like there's police."

"Hey! I'm going as fast as I can!" Grif shot at her.

"Jeeps are fucking slow."

"Are you sure it can't go any faster?" Snow-Wash asked. "I'm kinda in a hurry to live!"

"Hey, are you reading?" Grif asked. "I thought you were half blind or something."

"I'm special blind. I happen to know what I'm reading."

"That doesn't make any sense.. Then again I don't care."

"I would explain, but I'm not really sure how it works." Texas poked at the phone's screen.

"How do you not know how your own blindness works?" Snow-Wash asked.

"Fuck, man. How the hell am I supposed to know how weird shit works? You're a talking snowman. A _magic_ talking snowman."

"Yeah, but... I don't know," Snow-Wash sighed.

"How melted are you?"

"You can read stuff fine but not see how melted I am? Well, it's getting colder as we drive but I'm still feeling pretty close to melted."

"Again, I know exactly what I'm reading. It's just like, super complicated, okay?"

"Whatever," Grif said, now nearing the mountains with his driving.

"I also know that we're near the mountains."

"Well, we've been driving for a bit, and they weren't too far away to begin with." Grif pointed out.

"But, I wouldn't know really."

"What does that mean?"

"I think I've figured it out. It has to be something I'm doing, or someone has to tell me. Like the narrator."

"The narrator?" Grif echoed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"How many times do I have to tell you guys that this is a false timeline? Someone's writing this!"

"Has she gone crazy?" Snow-Wash asked, looking at her and thinking about her ramblings.

"Yup, definitely crazy," Grif replied.

"Stop thinking about me. ..Man, I have cards with you guys on them, I know all kinds of crazy things, hell, even Tucker from the real timeline came, but nobody believes me." Texas sighed.

"Well, duh! We're famous!" Grif exclaimed.

"Tucker. From the real timeline. Came here. Didn't you see how confused he was?" Texas tried to reason.

"And then he exploded. Seriously, what don't you get about this? Crazy shit happens all the time!" Grif shouted at her.

"Don't you ever wonder why nothing makes sense in the long run?"

"Shit never seems to make sense for us, whether you're here or not."

"I literally dropped out of the fucking sky."

"And? Tucker was pregnant with an alien baby."

"Yeah, but that was explained fairly reasonably."

"Where did Doc go? Huh? Can you explain that?"

"Do you mean before or after I arrived?"

"After! Seriously, everyone keeps going missing!"

"_After,_ huh? I don't know; but I do know where the AIs are. Kind of."

"How did my sister survive ice water and come out pregnant?"

"Your sister is an Eldritch horror."

"That doesn't explain it..."

"An abomination of the universe. Doesn't obey the universal laws like regular things do."

"Exactly. If you can't explain that, that what do you have going for you in this argument?"

"Your sister was only in Blood Gulch, which, if you noticed, nothing in it made any particular sense. And most of the explanations were weird and crazy."

"Then what's the difference between then and now?"

"Now is _supposed_ to make sense!"

"What does _that_ mean!?"

"It means that right now, you're supposed to be on Chorus, helping the New Republic and trying to rescue Sarge, Donut, and Wash from Locus and the Feds."

"...Why does it feel like everytime you say something you say it three times but I only remember one?" Grif inquired.

"This is being written, you idiot. Obviously, my statements are heavily revised." Texas explained.

"But you're forgetting one thing: I'M NOT A FUCKING FAIRY TALE!"

"Hmm. Okay, what version iPhone the latest? Is Apple even around anymore?"

"Of course it is! What are you, some future space robot?"

"Version. Name. Tell."

"IPhone 6. They haven't put a new one out in a while."

"Mark of the lazy writer.. In like, 500 years! You know what this phone is? An iPhone 5C. From 2014."

"Yeah, well, it's a really good product."

"This phone shouldn't even be close to functional anymore."

"They're sold on eBay."

"The internal chips and motherboard should be busted, just because they're so old. No iPhone can last 500 years."

"When are you from? 2030? Technology is really good now, in case you didn't know."

"Sacramento, California. 2014. And you should at least be on 7 by now."

"Well _sorry_, Princess. They haven't gotten that far yet."

"They've had 500 years."

"So. You can't rush them like that."

"They used to make a new version, like, every year. Of their own accord. Did Steve Jobs die again?"

"Who the fuck is that?"

"The founder of Apple. He died of cancer in 2008 or so."

"Yeah, sorry. I'm not really all that good in boring history stuff. They're all dead anyway."

"What the fuck do they teach people in schools nowdays?"

~•~

**Stupid Blues and their stupid schools.**


	17. School Standards

_HAPPY LATE HOLIDAYSSSSSS!_

**Stupid Grif.**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"History was one thing, I just didn't bother to listen," Grif shrugged.

"I didn't learn about Apple and Steve Jobs in history. I learned it in computers," Texas told him.

"Well, if you're from 2020 or whatever, it wouldn't have been old enough. Hate to break it to you, but school standards change in 500 years. Technology's the future."

"I'm from 500 years ago yet I'm not dead or old and I know about you guys. And you're not even questioning it."

"Time travel's a thing, you know," Grif pointed out.

"Why would Allison take me though? I have no claim here. And I arrived after Jessie did."

"Who's Allison?"

"Allison?" Snow-Wash asked. "Oh, and we've been in the mountains for a while now. I'm just gonna leave, if you don't mind.." He got out after Grif stopped the jeep and landed in the snow. "You can turn back, now."

"Byeee." Texas waved.

"But seriously, who's Allison?" Grif asked, now driving the other direction.

"The Director's supposedly dead wife, who used a time teleporty thing to move Jessie and her immediate family into your universe."

"Again, I feel like you changed what you said, but can't figure out how."

"This is being written. My statements are under heavy revision."

"Yeah, you said that already."

"I said it again because you asked again. And Tex is Allison."

"Whatever. Oh, and can I have one of those time travel thingies?"

"I don't have one. I dropped out of the sky."

"Oh, for shit's sake!" Silver yelled, jumping back in. "Give him a time thingy!"

"Where the hell am I supposed to get one?" Texas looked at Silver.

"You _are_ writing some of this. This universe already makes no sense, just grab one out of thin air!" Silver told Texas.

It suddenly began to rain time teleport thingies. "I use the word 'began' too much..," Texas mused.

"That works, too," Silver muttered.

"There you go Grif, a sky of time thingies."

"Uh.. Thanks... God," Grif said, grabbing one and setting it next to him.

"That wasn't God, it was me."

"You made time thingies fall from the sky."

"Yes."

"Okay." Grif shrugged.

"Huh?" Olaf asked.

"Welcome to the universe!" Silver clapped, "Now get up there and keep Snow-Wash company!"

"Okay!" Olaf ran as fast as his little snow-legs could carry him, all the way to Snow-Wash.

"I wonder if.." Texas drummed her fingers on the top of her phone. The jeep was suddenly at a full stop off to the side of Carolina and York's hill. "Man, writing is fun."

"Wow.. you came out of nowhere," Church said.

"I don't like long car rides. Are York and Carolina still broken?" Texas inquired, hopping out of the jeep. "Yes no maybe so?"

"..."

"..."

"I think so," Tucker answered, poking one of them as they just fell over, like an empty shell.

"They haven't moved since you left," Church explained. "It's weird."

"Yeah," Caboose agreed, "It's kinda creepin' me out."

"Do you think they're okay?" Jessie asked.

"Maybe they're dead," Grif suggested.

"I doubt it, but.." Jessie sighed, "Maybe you're right. Maybe they are dead.."

Silver facepalmed. "They're not dead, guys."

"Damn it, you guys. We have to fix them. Grif, no. I can't write either of them worth shit," Texas said.

"Can't- what?" Grif looked at her. "What?"

"I can't write either of them. They won't sound like themselves. You don't, either. I'm not very good at writing other people's characters.. Sorry."

"Are you talking about that same bullshit you were on the mountain?"

"Yes." She looked up to the sky. "CAN I STOP WRITING ALONE NOW? CAUSE I'M BAD AT IT."

"The fuck are you on?"

"SERIOUSLY I'M NOT KIDDING." She shook her fist at the sky. "I AM NOT GOOD AT THIS."

"Is she crazy?" Church whispered to Tucker.

"HEEEEEEEEEEELP."

"You do seem out of it today," Jessie muttered. "Do you need to see a doctor?"

"Ooh! Let me psychoanalyze her!" Dr. Grey piped in.

"Aaaaaaaa! Crazy doctor alert!" Jessie called out, pushing her away.

"Dr. Grey?" Silver asked. "I think you should continue with that psychoanalysis thing," she turned to face Texas, whispering, "We both know you're right, but this is so much fun!" She had an insane grin on her face.

"Is she contagious?" Caboose asked, talking about Dr. Grey. "I don't want to catch insanitizing."

"Caboose," Church said, "You and I both know you're far beyond insane. Shut the fuck up."

"You call Caboose insane?" Grif asked.

"Didn't you guys say he beat up like a hundred Texes on his own because he got a little angry?"

"He has a good point," Jessie agreed.

"Come here, Texas," Dr. Grey said, "Let me show you some of my tools!"

"Bow chicka bow wow," Tucker muttered, earning a slap from Jessie.

"Nooooooo thank you. The problem has been solved now. I'm good." Texas edged away from Dr. Grey. "Stay away from me. ..Wait, today? Oh hell-jesus, how long have I been here?"

"What do you mean?" Jessie asked.

"My perception of time is, for the most part, faulty. The time I've been here can be anywhere from 3 hours to 3 months."

Then suddenly VIC fell on Andy, and Andy died because VIC is a huge-ass computer that is 100x times heavier than a piano.

"Oh, dear," Dr, Grey looked at Andy.

"He deserved it," Grif shrugged.

"Look, it's that giant spy computer from Blood Gulch!" Sarge pointed out.

"Blood Gulch?" Grif echoed. "My worst nightmare is coming true again!"

"Your worst nightmare?" Jessie asked.

"Hello, VIC." Texas walked out of some weird magic sparkly fog.

"That was not cool, dude. Using your magical thingy to teleport me here," he replied.

"It's not magic! It's called _we wanted you here_. Or rather, me and Silver. Or maybe just Silver. Dunno, don't care."

"Wait, how does that make it not magic?" Sister interrupted.

"Shut up, Sister. You're dead. Your opinion doesn't count."

"My sister is _alive_?" Grif asked in shock.

"No, she's dead. See?" Sister promptly dropped dead.

"Kaikaina!" Grif shouted.

"TEXAS!" Silver slapped Texas.

"I'm sorry I'm mean!" Texas yelled.

"You are why we don't have nice things," Caboose said in a low voice.

"That's why that phrase is my profile picture." She rolled her eyes. "It's true."

"Why are you such a bitch?" grumbled Church.

"I should ask the same of you," Jessie told him.

"It's either I'm a bitch or I start giggling like an idiot over every single goddamn little thing right now," Texas replied.

"Giggling?" Tucker echoed. "We're in Hell. Didn't they ban that?"

"I don't fucking know, man."

"Uh.." Jessie muttered.

"Did Caboose just get really angry back there?" Silver asked. "Wait, why am _I_ asking that?"

"Maybe?" Texas looked around. "Still can't see shit.."

"T-Texas?" Jessie asked.

"You're kinda blind," Silver said. "That's your own fault. You should write more."

"Man, I'm terrible at generating – OH MY GOD A SQUIRREL!"

"Texas..." Jessie repeated.

"Why are you so jumpy about a squirrel?" Tucker asked.

"Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. ADHD. Duh."

"Oh. Yeah, that makes sense."

"Can I eat the squirrel?" Silver asked.

"NO! HIS NAME IS CAPTAIN SOCKS! DON'T KILL CAPTAIN SOOOOCKSSSS."

Jessie's eye twitched, "_**TEXAS!**_"

"What!" She began to run in circles around the group with her arms stuck out. "Whoosh I'm an airplane!"

Jessie pointed to behind where Texas was standing, showing that there was an army of Grifs with Grif-shots aimed at her. Like, a thousand at least. "Look."

Texas began to giggle uncontrollably. "Not like they can hurt me!"

Suddenly, a bunch of demons and shit came out of nowhere, "YOU BROKE THE NO GIGGLING RULE!"

"I ain't scared of you!" This statement was accompanied by more giggles and a crazy grin.

"Is she about to take on an entire army of Grifs and demons?" Wash asked.

"Looks like it," Tucker nodded.

"Without any help from us?"

"Yup."

"Why did I give Grif that weird device thingy...?" Silver muttered.

Suddenly, all of the demons, Grifs, VIC, Sister's body, and the squirrel disappeared. They were left as they were.

~•~

**Blues.. Things.. **_**Ah, fuck it. I can't think of a good one.**_


	18. Android Seashells

**Damn Blues and their weirdo Blue seismographic computer peoples.**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"..." Carolina and York remained still.

"Fuckin hell no!" Texas yelled. "Don't get me all riled up and just vaporize!" She punched a random large boulder and it split in half before melting into the air. "Fuck everything!" A random nearby forest caught on fire.

"Are you okay?" Jessie asked.

She turned to Jessie and smiled. "Yes."

Jessie stared at her, "B-but.. You just... Ugh!"

"Anger release. Nobody lets me destroy things.."

"...But.." Jessie shook her head, than turned back towards York and Carolina. "Are you getting any of this?" she asked them.

"..."

"..."

"Are they actually broken or is it just that you can't think of any dialogue for them either?" Texas asked the sky.

"They are quite broken, if you want to put it that way," Silver said. "I can think of dialogue fine."

"What is it with me and not being able to write in-character dialogue well?"

Silver shrugged, "I don't think I'm that good, either."

"You're a hell of a lot better than I am."

"Really?" Silver asked, "Because I honestly think I suck, I don't care what the reviews say."

"You actually complete fics. Oh, the thousands of half-written ideas I have.."

"What are you guys talking about?" Tucker asked, suddenly in between the two.

"Writing fanfiction. In particular, writing good fanfiction."

"Can I read some?"

"It depends; do you want to read weird shit?"

"Depends on what you mean by weird."

"Not porn? Cause it ain't porn."

"Aw, dude that sucks.."

"It makes a little more sense than Blood Gulch did. But that's like it."

"That doesn't mean much considering that Blood Gulch made no sense at all," Silver pointed out.

"Blood Gulch made some sense."

"True..," Silver nodded. "Okay, I have to.. Uh.. Go now.." She disappeared, but not before doing her memory thingy on everyone. Which, by the way, still doesn't work on Tucker.

"Tucker. Gimme your sword."

"What? Fuck no! It won't even work for you anyways," Tucker told her.

"Don't care, give."

"You do realize part of Tucker giving his sword to you involves him actually being here, right?" Jessie asked.

"OH MY GOD WHEN DID HE LEAVE."

"He left a long time ago... Are you okay?"

"I'm still blind! Aghhh!"

"Wait," Jessie started, before laughing. "You actually thought hours had passed in two seconds!? He left, like five seconds ago when you weren't looking; He doesn't want to give you his sword."

"I am going to go maul some babies."

"Can I help?" Caboose asked from right behind her.

"Caboose, get your own babies to maul."

"Aww.."

"That must be O'Malley's influence," Jessie guessed. "O'Malley seems like the baby-mauling type."

"Yeah, but would he hate SPIKY KITTIES?"

Jessie covered Texas' mouth, "NOT IN FRONT OF CABOOSE!"

"AW SHIT I FORGOT!"

"Wait.. He's going towards Carolina..." Jessie muttered, watching Caboose.

"CABOOSE, DON'T MAUL CAROLINA! OR YORK! DON'T MAUL ANYBODY!"

Caboose proceeded to punch Carolina, watching her do nothing in response, just flying through the air and landing with a _clunk! _York didn't react, either.

"What...?" Jessie whispered.

"OH MY GOD ARE THEY ROBOTS?"

"...What?" Jessie repeated.

"They're robots! Unpowered robots! Who took the real ones? DELTA!"

"..."

"Yeah, he's still broken," Jessie muttered. "Robots? Really?"

"Yes. Or, he sucked the life out of them and put their life in Wash. DELTA YOU DID THIS!"

"_Well, Delta did something..."_ Silver laughed in Texas' head. "_Wait... When did I get here?"_

"When, 1, you decided that you were in my head, and 2, when I went to Blood Gulch and you did that weird thing with the cats and all that bullshit."

"_..You went to Blood Gulch?"_

"Yeah, don't you remember? Everyone but me died and it turned out I was just sleeping, and then I woke up in Blood Gulch as a Red with you and Annie and all your weird fragment-thingies in my head."

"Yeah, she's a different Silver," Other Silver said. "Still same, though. Oh, gotta go!"

"ALL OF YOU FUCK OFF! GET OUTTA MY HEAAAAD. Oh wait, you're not in my head, nevermind. Anyways, get out."

"_I'm in your head, still... Somehow."_ Other other Silver said.

"ALL OF YOU GET."

_"I don't know how I got here!"_

"DON'T CARE, GET THE FUCK OUT."

"_I don't know how!"_

"I should get one of the AI to come in and boot all of you out.."

"Speaking of AI...," Jessie whispered.

"They're playing poker, I think. Caboose, stop mauling Carolina and York."

"Not the Alpha AI things..."

"Explain."

"Uh.. um... I... They... I SWEAR I DIDN'T DO IT!"

"Ou- what? What happened? Was I right? They are robots?"

"Huh? Who's 'they'?"

"York and Carolina.. Holy shit, just tell me what the fuck is happening."

"What's your definition of robot?"

"A variety of things, ranging from a Roomba to a smartphone to whatever the fuck the Tex botclones were to Church."

"I don't know. York and Carolina just seem like empty shells to me," Tucker said.

"So, they were AI.. but Delta booted th- TUCKER! GIVE ME YOUR DAMN SWORD!"

"Oh... Fuck." Tucker disappeared.

"You think they're AI?" Jessie asked.

"Maybe.. At least York. His armor self-destructed or whatever, that should have killed him.. So maybe he was made into an AI after he died, and was given some false memories of being saved from the explosion."

"We've seen their faces.."

"You really think they wouldn't make robots that had perfectly human faces after 500 years? We were at least halfway there in 2014."

"**WHAT THE HELL!?**" screamed a voice somewhere else.

"Aw shit, man. I think the robots realized that they were robots. Only, what's wrong with Dee? Did he crash?"

"Uh.. The robots, or whatever you call them, didn't move," Jessie said.

"Androids. Don't you remember Church? He moved and talked and shit without a body. Outside of Blood Gulch."

"They aren't Church.."

"No, but it's safe to assume that Church's type of AI was not unique. Sure, they might have not been shattered to pieces, but they should be somewhat the same."

"**YORK! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!?"** shouted a familiar female voice.

"The narrator refuses to tell me who the fuck is yelling, but I'm assuming it's Carolina. HE DIDN'T DO SHIT, HE'S PROBABLY THE SAME WAY!" she hollered back.

"Where is she?" Jessie asked.

"If the narrator won't even straight-forward tell me who the voice is why the fuck do you think they would tell me _where_ it's coming from?"

_Dude, it's obviously Carolina and she's obviously over near that warthog over there.. Pay attention!_

"I have no directional hearing perception. How the fuck would I know?"

_Whatever..._

"Who are you talking to?" Jessie asked, fearing that Texas had lost it.

"The Narrator."

"And I am correct," Jessie muttered.

"I heard you. You suck."

"You don't even know what I was thinking about!"

"I can make a reasonable guess from what you said! And I'm not crazy!"

"Okay.. Let's just go to Carolina." Jessie sighed, taking a deep breath.

~•~

**Blues! Stop dragging us Reds on your idiotic adventures!**


	19. Fourth Wall Demolition

**Our music is glorious!**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"Let's gooooo." Texas began walking towards wherever the fuck the Warthog was.

_To your left, around the tall building._

"I don't care, let's just assume I go that way cause OH I DUNNO I CAN'T SEE!"

_There is a lot of mud. The building is made of obsidian. The warthog is playing that really annoying polka music stuff.._

"Okay, sure, whatever... Let's just go," Jessie started walking.

"I dunno 'bout you but I love that damn music."

"What musi- WHERE ARE THE REDS SO I CAN KILL THEM FOR THAT HORRIBLE MUSIC!?"

"Shut up. Carolina, wherever the fuck you are, calm your damn tits."

_Oh, and Carolina is.. Uh.. Cyan? And York is tan. Like, their armor color, but they aren't wearing armor._

"You mean… they're holograms? What the fuck are you saying?"

_Yeah! They are AI people now! Pay attention!_

"I fucking called it. And I can't see, dumbass. My visuals are whatever the fuck my shitty-ass imagination comes up with. Which is a barren, dark brown, hilly landscape with a giant snow hill in the middle. Totally incorrect."

_Whatever! I don't care if you're half-blind. Also, mostly correct except grass at the foot of the mountain. It's a snowy mountain range, not a hill. _

"Who. Are you. Talking to!?" Jessie asked, a little scared for her sanity.

"What mountain range? Do you mean the blue-purple ones in the background? And the Narrator. Seriously, stop asking. I already told you."

"Are you mental?"

"No. I hear shit you can't, because I am technically not here. Kind of.. It's hard to explain. Shut up."

Carolina was "sitting" on the edge of the warthog, glaring at nothing. "Holy shit, they're AIs!" Jessie exclaimed.

"I told you so."

"Are you okay, Lina?" Jessie walked up to her.

"She should be fine, aside from some weird mental shit like Church had. Where the fuck is York?"

Carolina got up, looking at Texas, "Where is Delta?"

"Prooooooobably still on the hill. With your and York's empty robot bodies."

"Bring him here," Carolina ordered.

"How the fuck would I do that? Anyways, can't you just go over there?"

Carolina glared at Texas, before leaving the warthog and going to Delta. She passed Tucker, who was staring at her, and glanced around the area. "Where is he?"

"Delta disappeared," Church said.

"Maybe he went to go play poker with the other AI," Texas remarked absently.

"They're playing poker?"

"Epsilon is losing. And not cheating. Or at least, that's what _was_ happening when I last saw them.."

"Well, I know where I'll be for the next hour," Church then proceeded to go over the poker players.

"How did he even know where they were? I just said that they were playing poker!"

"Some weird AI sense?" Jessie guesssed

"Why aren't we following him?"

"Why should we be?"

"So we can see if Delta's with them!"

"Carolina's already doing it-"

**"THEN WHERE IS HE!?"**

"-And by the looks of it he isn't there."

"Oh.." Texas looked to the sky once again. "You're mean, not telling me things."

_It's entertaining._

"Mean, I say!"

_You're mean._

"No, _you_ are!"

_No, you are!_

"Youuuuuuuuu!"

_You!_

"You're the meanest!"

_You're mean for saying that!_

"But I'm not the _meanest_."

_You're meaner than the meanest._

"That's not a thing."

_I just made it a thing, bitch!_

"You can't make things things!"

_Yes I can! I'm the narrator!_

"You can only make things things when multiple people can hear you!"

_I don't care!_

"MEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN."

_Meaner!_

"Meanest!"

_Infinite mean!_

"YOU ARE THE MOST MEANEST PERSON EVER!"

_That grammar sucked!_

"DON'T CARE, _MEANIE!_"

"Who is she talking to?" whispered Wash to Jessie.

_You'll pay!_

"No!"

"The narrator? I don't know, she's crazy," Jessie told him.

_Yes!_

"Noooooooo! And I heard both of you. The narrator is _a huge jerk_ and won't tell me where things are!" Texas gave them an exasperated look.

"Like, crazier than you crazy," Jessie explained. "_That's_ saying something!"

"_All_ of you are jerks!"

_You're a jerk for saying that._

Jessie glared at Texas, "Am not!"

"You're a bigger jerk, jerk!" she yelled to the sky.

_You wanna go there? 'Cause I'll go there!_

"You already went there!"

_Exactly!_

"JERRRRRRRRRRRK."

"Is she calling the sky a jerk?" Wash whispered.

"THE NARRATOR DWELLS ABOVE THE SKY!"

"Okay, Texas. I have an idea for your problems," Dr. Grey told her.

"Stay away from me. I don't want your help."

"Why does Dr. Grey have a chainsaw?" Jessie asked.

"KEEP HER AWAY FROM ME!" Texas ran away and hid behind a very confused Sarge.

"She also has an axe," Wash said.

"AWAY FROM ME."

"And a lot of surgical equipment, but no painkillers," Jessie added.

"AWAY. FROM. ME."

"I like her," Sarge said.

"IF SHE DOESN'T STAY AWAY FROM ME I WILL SET HER ON FIRE."

"Ooh! That sounds like fun!" The insane Doctor laughed. She promptly caught on fire. "Too bad she doesn't realize this armor is fireproof."

"Well, it's not very bullet-proof. NOW SHOO."

"Aksjausncpwlqaucnfjslerwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfgh-"

"-What the fuck is going on-?" Texas interrupted.

"-jklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm," finished Caboose, pronouncing everything smoothly and correctly.

"Caboose, why."

"Because there is a green spider behind you. I was speaking to him."

Texas screamed and jumped onto Sarge's head. "HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!"

"She is not very intelligent, is she?" Green asked.

"Spiiiiiiiiider."

"Shut up," Jessie put new glasses on Texas that made Green appear as a green cat.

"Why do I have glasses on my helmet? I'm already wearing a pair underneath it."

"Because they're helmet glasses."

"I don't want helmet glasses." She shook them off.

Jessie threw in her earplugs, bracing for the squealing about spiders to start again.

"I've been able to see him as a spider the entire time. You put the glasses on wrong, numbnuts. HIYAAAAAAA!" Texas suddenly threw a huge dictionary at Green. "FUCK YOU, SPIDER!"

~•~

**Hyuh, gerroff my head!**


	20. Holographic Spider

**Heh heh, Blues can't aim.**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

Green dodged the dictionary easily. "Your aim is worse than Church's."

"FUCK. YOU."

"Where is Carolina?" Green asked.

"Dead. Playing poker. Searching for Dee."

Silver appeared right in front of Texas, blocking what little view she had of anything, "Texas! I figured something out! Listen!"

"What, Navi."

"1, don't call me that. 2, please don't call me that. 3, I learned... That York and Carolina are AIs!"

"I already figured that out like half an hour ago."

"I know."

"Then why did you come and tell me? Seriously, it's like you _want_ to be called Navi."

"No reason..." Silver giggled and disappeared. "I thought you'd have noticed," her voice whispered.

"Dead ringer for Navi. Wait, noticed that thing I already knew or something else?" She then threw another dictionary at Green. "Die."

"Something else," Silver's voice said, before fading completely.

"That York is gone..? Ugh, Cheshire Navi."

_York isn't gone. He's playing poker._ _It's another thing. Think._

"Goddamnit, Narrator."

"Did you _see_ that!?" Jessie exclaimed.

"See what? That Green _fucking ninja-dodged_ my dictionary?" She chucked another one in his general direction.

"No..." Jessie shivered, thinking about what she saw, "I-it's not important. Also, he's gone."

"Fuck! Seriously. Really. What. Did. You. See."

"I don't wanna say.."

"I don't care, say itttttt."

"No. No.. NO!" Jessie started screaming. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no..."

"...I wish I was a robot, then I could turn off my ears..."

"_**NO!**_"

"Oh my god just tell me."

"No...it can't be.."

"OUT WITH IT HOLY SHIT!"

"I-I have to go.." Jessie ran away.

"You should have _seen_ that spider when that Silver chick blocked your vision!" Tucker exclaimed.

"Why won't anyone tell me what's going on? Is this an elaborate prank? NARRATOR ARE YOU IN ON THIS?"

_I'm not sayin' anything. Wait...Did you see that fucking spider!? He was all like, "A-" oh, wait. I'm not supposed to talk about that.._

"No. Silver became Cheshire-Navi and blocked everything. Oh my god, why won't anyone tell me?"

_Uh.. Because it's an important plot point in this story and I don't want to spoil you._

"SERIOUSLY."

_What do you think is up with the spider?_

"He went nuts, or something. And took all my dictionaries when he left."

_Why the fuck would he go nuts?_

"Cause he be cray."

_Or.. _

"..Dude. I have no idea."

_Wow, you're an idiot._

"Someone possessed him. He attacked people. Kidnapped Dr. Grey who I am going to file a restraining order on."

_If, and only _if _you're correct on possession thing.. Who would possess him? Why?_

"Delta. Cause I dunno, maybe he wanted a fucking body. Maybe Green was like, 'yo dee we think alike LETS GO SPLORIN!11' or some retarded bullshit."

_Uh... Close-ish?_ _I mean, possession by Delta.. Close? His voice _did _have a bit of an echo on it._

"At least 2 of the AI have echoing voices. Escape from crazy Carolina."

_No. Not the other one. Delta is a part of it._

"Delta went _fuck-nuts crazy_, possessed Green while I wasn't paying attention, and did crazy shit before running away. He also left one of his cryptic riddle hint thingies."

_Uh.. No._

"Why is the answer never yes? And where is everyone? I'm supposed to be perched on Sarge's shoulders but I'm just floating in air here."

_They all left because they think you're bat-shit insane. _

"Jerks."

_Ugh, do you just want the answer? You're bad at guessing._

"Yes."

_How much do you want an answer?_

"You're an asshole and I'm going to go play poker." She walked off towards the poker game because internal GPS bitches.

_So, you don't want an answer. I was gonna tell you.. I still will if you want me to.._

"If you're not going to tell me shut up."

_So you _don't _want me to tell you.._

"Oh my god, just tell me before the sky alights."

_That means you do, right?_

"You're supposed to be smarter than me or something. What the fuck do you think."

_That wasn't 'yes' or 'no'._

"YES."

_Yes what?_

"Tell me before I start killing people just because I can."

_Okay, okay... Basically, Delta and .. someone else... Kinda.. Well.. Did something and then Delta went into that guy.. Wow this sounds wrong so far.._

"Stop being vague!"

_And then they told you stuff with stuff about Wash being frozen and stuff.. Then Delta left.. And so did the other guy.. Then Delta broke, but regained himself and went back into the their person/spider and talked to you and than when Delta was in there you said "Dee" so he got a little angry and Silver blocked your sight and he turned into a red spider and started blowing shit up. Then he left again._

"Why did it take you so long to get around to actually saying what happened?"

_Because it's really fun annoying you. Anyways, the spider is part-Delta._

"Okay. Hey, I think I'm at the poker table now."

"We stopped playing poker a long time ago," Epsilon said. "Also, AIs only. Also, where's Delta?"

"You guys suck."

"That didn't answer the question.."

"He's in Green."

"Who the fuck is Green?" Epsilon asked.

"An evil evil evil little green spider WHO WON'T JUST DIE!"

"Okay, if you'll just excuse me," Jessie ran in, "He's not evil. Don't generalize spiders."

"He's evil because he keeps _taunting me_ and he won't let me kill him like he should."

"Taunting you? How?"

"_Yes_. He keep appearing from nowhere and then scaring me and dodging my dictionaries."

"Dictionaries are not a very effective weapon," Green/Delta/_Someone else_ said.

Texas whirled around to face them/him and threw a dictionary at them/him. "DIE!"

"You're saying _that's _Delta?" Epsilon, said, before laughing.

"The Narrator says that he's in the spider, and even though I doubt his truthfulness he's pretty much the only source of info I have."

"Hello, Epsilon," Green greeted.

"_Why won't you just die?_" she hissed as she chucked another dictionary at him.

"That's Delta?" Carolina asked.

"Narrator says so."

"I should leave now.." Green said, scuttling away from Carolina.

"You scared him. Good job, Lina."

"You scared him! _Good job, Lina,_" Jessie said, though she was very sarcastic.

"I can feel your sarcasm. Too intense, Jessie. Also, jinx."

"Uh.. Lina?" Jessie looked around, not seeing her.

"She went after Dee."

"Again?" York asked.

"Yes."

"What does Delta have to do with any of this?" Jessie asked,

"I think she thinks that he either has answers or made her and York into AIs."

"Good thing she's just a hologram now, she would have beaten that spider to a pulp!" Jessie laughed.

"Uh, I think AI holo- oh right nevermind."

"Huh?"

"I forgot that Green is a physical entity."

"Oh. Right. Why are we calling him Green?"

"We don't know his name, the Narrator told me to, and he's green."

"Green doesn't exactly act much like Delta."

"Okay? So?"

"You say he's Delta."

"No, no, Delta's IN him. Like, O'Malley with Caboose or whatever, I guess, but a whole lot less control-y."

"How much does he control?"

"The Narrator has said jack-shit on that front."

"Shit, fuck, bitch, asshole, damn," chanted Caboose.

"Stop reciting cursewords, Caboose. I would expect that from maybe Theta after a party or something but you are too old for that."

"Bitch, bitches, bitchy bitches.."

"Caboose, no. I told you to stop."

"Ass, asshole, assface.."

"_Caboose!_" Texas slapped him across the face. "No!"

~•~

**Son, that's over and done. **


	21. Mind Cats and Mind Clones

**He's a Blue! That's what's wrong!**

_**NOTE: **_goddamn I hate this chapter with a passion. also the next one. all the ones with the mindclones I hate.

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"What's wrong with him?" Jessie asked.

"He's reciting cursewords. Guys, did you let him near the poker table while Eppy was playing?"

"No, we kicked Epsilon out into the same room as Caboose," O'Malley said.

"That's just as bad. You guys did bad. Especially you, O'Malley. You always do bad."

"Fuck, fucking, fucker.." Caboose continued.

"Caboose! Stop!"

"Damn, damnit... Cookies.."

"...What?"

"Cookie, chocolate, cake, cheesecake,"

"Whaaaaaat."

"Church, orange juice, not Tucker, Freckles,"

"Why isn't he stopping?"

"Memory is the key."

"Caboose please. Stop."

"Memory is the key."

"Caboose.. Wait, is Dee now in Caboose? What? Help, I'm confusing myself!"

"Memory is the key."

"Is Eppy a key now?"

"_Memory_ is the key."

"That bitch sucks ass. She can go fuck off."

"Who?" Jessie asked.

"Memory is the key."

"There was this bitch named Memory in my head along with these really annoying fuckers that I think were cats and Memory was one of them and she was a huge bitch."

"_I'm still here_," Silver said.

"Yes, and you're annoying. Get the fuck out."

"_I can't. Also.. There's someone else who just came in.."_

"Memory is the key."

"Who? And all of you get out! Caboose, shut up. Where the fuck is Wash?"

"_Ooh! This is a really spacey place! Looks tasty!_" Annie purred.

"I'll have you – oh my god what the hell can Church or someone get in here and kill them?"

"Memory is the key."

"SHUT UP CABOOSE! Seriously, how the fuck do I get them out of my head?"

"I'm on it," Church said, jumping in.

"If he unlocks the door I'm going to kill someone."

.:-:.

"Okay, inside Texas' head.." Church muttered, looking around.

"Hello, Church! Alpha? Uh. Person. Whatever, hello." Texas appeared out of nowhere. "Real Texas would like to say that if you open any locked doors, she's gonna kill you."

"Oh, Texas. Well, I know what I'm doing in here," Church said.

"Kill the weird cats, and Silver, who is horribly annoying when inside heads."

"Okay.." Church looked around, spotting Tucker.

"Kick-ass sword! Woo!" he yelled before getting knifed by Felix. "Ow, dickface."

"EHEHHEHEHEHH!" Felix shouted as he ran away.

"Better than Caboose, at least," Church sighed.

"Did someone call me?" asked Caboose who was suddenly in front of Church. "OH! Church!"

"Oh, fuck.." He looked at Caboose.

"Church Church Church Church Church Church Church Church CHUUUUURCH!" Caboose sang.

"Shut. The fuck. Up."

"But we're best friends!" he whined.

"No. We're not."

"Meanie.." Caboose wandered away to go talk to Freckles, who was simultaneously a battle rifle, a giant assault mech, and a flashdrive.

"Yeah, you do that," Church walked another direction. He ended up in a room full of labeled doors. One was chained up and padlocked, with a large red sign that said "DO NOT OPEN".

"Hey, you! Church!" yelled a small cat.

"What the fuck?"

"Man, is this like that Caboose thing?"

"What?"

"The Caboose thing! With O'Malley!"

"Uh.. Kinda. Hey, what's in that door?" He pointed to the chained up one.

"Bad things. Other people."

"I won't open it. Just what's _in_ it?"

"Other mes. Specifically, really bad mes." The cat turned into a girl with pink glasses when he blinked.

"Who are you, exactly?"

"Blossom! Or, as she calls herself, Texas. Stupid her and her weirdo Red vs Blue fanfiction.."

"Uh.. I'm just gonna pretend I never saw you." Church turned around, looking at the other doors and their labels. One was splattered with paint and labeled "ART".

"Well, there's at least 5 of us running around. Plus, Sigmalley."

"Well, I'm looking for a cat that may or may not have MPD."

"Annie, that lil bitch? I'm pretty sure I locked her in the cat room."

"Where?" Church asked, looking at all the doors.

"The cat room. It's down the hall past the control room."

"Okay," Church followed her directions.

"Also, the other way.."

"I knew that," Church grumbled, going the other way. He came across the room, and opened the door. It was full of cats for _some reason_. It looked to have been made in a fit of madness.

"Uh.. Annie?" Church called.

"Oh, Church!" Annie called, running up to him. She let out a breath. "Hi."

"So, you're Annie?"

"Yes! Uh.. No.. Kinda?" Annie laughed.

"What does that mean?" Church asked.

"She's one of them weirdo personalities!" another Texas said, popping up out of the cats. She was wearing a cat themed outfit.

It took about ten seconds for Annie to respond, and she was completely frozen the entire time. "Sorry, that was Joy. Hopefully she'll stay back for a bit. I don't mean to burst your bubble, but is there a reason for this?"

"Cause you're an annoying bitch!" Blossom screamed at her.

"Are you okay?" Church asked, "Actually, you aren't. So, basically I'm gonna kill you."

"Okay, that there really isn't right. You'd hate it if I were to put up a fight," Annie told him.

"Stupid crazy cats." Catexas threw her hat at Annie.

"Hey, you! Don't throw that at me! Maybe you should calm down, have a cup of tea."

"Maybe you should get the fuck out."

"Maybe _you _should just stop talking. Now leave before I make you, get walking!"

"This is _my_ head! No!"

"This is now my head, too! Too bad for you, boo-hoo!" Annie continued, for some reason she kept rhyming.

"Get out!"

"Why do you keep rhyming?" Church asked.

"She's a crazy-ass bitch, get her ouuuut."

"I believe it is about time, that I say my name is Rhyme."

"Fuck this. I'm going to go find Sigmalley." Catexas stormed out of the room.

"Okay, that's it: I'm killing you!" Church grabbed a sharp stick and tried to poke her. Suddenly, Annie froze again.. For about ten seconds.

"WAIT! Don't kill me!" She begged. "You don't know what you'll do!" She sighed, "Memory is the key."

Blossom appeared, said "Shut up Caboose." and disappeared all in the same second.

"I'm not Caboose," Annie explained to Blossom, "But he is right about this, you _can't _let me out."

"I thought we finished the whole 'Memory is the key thing'!" Church shouted.

The door slammed open, a strange merge between O'Malley and Sigma in the doorway. "_Time to get the fuck out, bitch."_

"What. The. Fuck."

"I told you I was getting Sigmalley!" shouted Catexas.

"WHY!?"

"She has to get out.. Cece made him. For reasons unknown to everyone. I've decided he's a sort-of bouncer."

"Uh-oh..." Annie whispered, dashing through the open doorway. Sigmalley thundered after her.

"She should've equipped him with a gun," she said absentmindedly, scooping up a gray tabby. "I'm going to go find Wash."

"Wait.. I'm not sure it's a good idea to kick her out," Church said.

"Memory is totally bullshit. If she's _preventing_ us from remembering shit, she needs to go."

_Speaking of her... Heheheheh._

"GODDAMNIT! Wait, is that you, Narrator? What the hell is going on? Why are they here?"

_How did you know?_

"The italic text, numbnuts."

_That makes sense. Anyways, prepare for.. Like.. A lot of memories and pain in the inner workings of this mind._

"Are they _our_ memories?"

_Uh.. Sure. Let's just say that, make you feel safer._

"You have a liar's tone. And speech pattern. Damnit! This is that Epsilon bullshit! Church, I dunno bout you, but I'm going to hide in the control room." Catexas fled out the door.

Suddenly, everyone inside Texas' mind felt immense pain.

"**FUCK A MIGRAINE WHAT THE HELL!" **screamed Texas from outside of her head. "**FUCK YOU PEOPLE INSIDE MY HEAD!"**

~•~

**Blue? **

_**boring fact: **__I got a headache while writing this segment.._


	22. Memory

**There's no escape, ya dirty rotten Blue! Heh heh heh.**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"Agh! What the hell?" Church grunted. "Somebody get me out of this shithole!" The cats meowed in panic and ran around his feet.

"Asshole!" screamed Silver from another part of Texas' mind.

Inside the control room, there was lots of fire. "OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIIIIIIT!" yelled about 5 Texases. A fire alarm began to shriek as ADHD zipped to the cat room to evacuate the cats. "Oh hi Church-Alpha listen get out of here it's a dead end bye!" She scooped up the cats and ran down the hall.

"Kill me!" Church shouted, "That's the only way I can leave!"

"We don't have any weapons!" hollered an unidentified girl as she gathered paper from a room.

"Get a cat to claw me! Something! This hurts!"

"The cats are all very niiiiiiice they're no help just get out get someone to shoot you or find Felix listen I have to save shit!" ADHD said again, running around and picking up things.

"Yeah, that's what I'm doing!" Church ran out and found Caboose. "Quick! Team-kill me!"

"You are my best friend! You do not kill best friends!"

"Fuck!" hissed Church. He turned around. "Felix! I found out all your plans!"

"But you're a computer," he whispered in a weird tone, stabbing Tucker again.

"Son of a bitch!"

Church turned towards Tucker, then realized he couldn't do anything. "Sarge! Us Blues have an advantage in numbers! Kill me so they're leaderless!"

Sarge looked him straight in the eyes. "The Reds and Blues are no more, son. It was all a lie. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to kill Grif."

"FUUUUUUUUUCK!" Church couldn't take this anymore. The pain was getting worse. He snatched a grenade from Donut.

"CHURCH! OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?" yelled Texas from beside him. "What's-... okay, I'm just gonna go. Stupid Eppy.." She sprinted away.

"Finally!" He threw the grenade on the ground, and it exploded, killing him out of Texas' mind.

.:-:.

Texas was out cold, after complaining of a severe headache for about a minute. Church appeared in his "ghost" form, panting despite lack of lungs.

"You're back! Texas fainted!" Jessie cried. "What happened!?"

"I don't know! But I'm not going back in there, ever! It's hell in there!"

"Aren't we _in_ Hell right now?" Tucker asked.

"I don't know!" Something flashed in the corner of Church's vision and he turned around, seeing that it was Annie, who glanced at the group around her, before sprinting away on all fours.

A cat suddenly appeared next to Texas. "I guess trying to save shit from fire is not a good idea when the place is almost entirely in flames.."

"What the actual fuck, Epsilon!?" Church suddenly said.

"Huh?" Epsilon asked.

"I'm Blossom, you forgetful dolt." The cat once again turned into a girl. "And you should not have used a grenade."

"Not cool," Church continued at Epsilon.

"You set the room on fire and everyone had to evacuate to the sub- ..basement. ..They really should have sent ADHD to save the control equipment.."

"Who is she?" Grif asked.

"The fast one!"

"Who was _she?_" Grif asked, asking about Annie.

"She's- oh. Thanks, Narrator. Annie was the most annoying bitch in the world and managed to unleash her painful memories upon us after Sigmalley strangled her."

"Why do I have the sudden urge to kill Epsilon?"

"Seriously!" Epsilon called out, "What did I do!?" Church was still staring at him, he'd be glaring if he had eyes.

"Maybe it's because Eppy pulled the same shit on Wash?" inquired Blossom.

Jessie shrugged, "Maybe- agh!" She groaned. "Holy shit.. Random memory flash... WHAT THE FUCK EPSILON!?"

Blossom blinked. "I'm not getting anything." She took off Texas' helmet, and put it on. "Yessss. Music."

"What did I do!?" Epsilon asked again.

"You're sending out memories, I think."

"Uh.. No, I'm not."

"That's not Epsilon sending those," Jessie said, rubbing her head.

"Then who's doing it? Texas?" Blossom asked.

"I don't think so.." Jessie shook her head.

"Oh, fuck you Epsilon!" Tucker tried to slap him, failing.

"JESSSSIIIIEEEEE!" A new voice shouted, tackling the blonde.

"Agh! Huh?" Jessie looked up to see another cat on her. This one was a mix between black and white, and had blue eyes.

"Is that, like, reverse-Annie?" asked Blossom.

"What? No, I'm Night," the cat said, though she seemed a little sad at her name.

"Can you help?"

"I can try," Night said firmly, getting off of Jessie. "Look, I can see you all seem to hate Epsilon right now."

"Do you _know_ what he _did_!?" Grif exclaimed. "It's horrible!"

"-But we need him in order to fix things."

"I don't care what the fuck he did and if you need him, can you fix her?" Blossom asked, pointing to a helmetless Texas.

"Uh.. Maybe?" Epsilon said.

"Yes," Night nodded.

"Then why are you waiting? Why are we arguing?"

"I have no idea what I'm supposed to do," Epsilon admitted, still getting death glares from everyone.

_Who knew that Epsilon would actually _forget _something!?_

"Hello, Narrator. And nobody would've guessed it, you're right."

_Thank you. I know I am. I always am._

"Not always. But sometimes."

_Always. You're jealous._

"I am not jealous of your omnipotence."

_Guess what he did._

"Who, Epsilon? Forgot that he did some stupid bullshit that now has bounced back full force and is hitting us hard."

_What do you think that "stupid bullshit" is?_

"I can hear your quotes. Created Annie, or Memory, or gave her the memories or something equally dumb."

_Ha! As if. Uh.. No._

"Forgot shit, and it went to somebody else. Namely, everyone around him, because he's a stupid jerk."

"Hey!" Epsilon protested.

_Wrong!_

"Like you." Blossom shot Epsilon a look. "You're not being constructive, and you're not helping with this predicament. Shut your stupid face."

_I can see you're a very nice one._

"Oh, the sarcasm with you is laid down very heavily, isn't it?"

_I like to think so._

"Well, it's not helping. Now what the actual fuck did he forget?"

_Whatever. Stuff. Tell ya later._

"As I said: stupid jerk."

_Why _thank _you! You're such a lovely person to be around!_

"Your sarcasm is so heavy even Caboose would know you're being sarcastic. Too much."

"Memory is the key."

"Holy shit, Caboose. I'm not really sure why you're saying that or where it came from but Texas was telling you to stop saying that so I'm going to assume it's something annoying and dumb. Shut up."

"Memory is behind you."

"Fuck you, bitch," Blossom growled without even turning around.

"Memory looks angry."

"Stupid bitch."

"Memory is mad at Epsilon. She is telling others she is mad."

"Because he failed at his job. Oh good job, Memory. You managed to convey an emotion. Make this bullshit stop!"

"Memory is gone."

"Fuck."

"Memory will be back. Memory is the key, Memory is the key, Memory is the key, a Memory is the key, Memory is the key, Memory is the key, Memory is the key, Memory is the key."

"OH SHIT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S GOING TO UNLOCK THAT DOOR? FUCK NO NO NO!" Blossom ran around in circles, terrified. "NO!"

Caboose looked Blossom straight in the eye, "Memory is me."

"Wait, what? This is completely insane!" she shook Jessie. "OH MY GOD WHAT."

"Aaa! St-stop sh-sh-shake-shaking me!" Blossom immediately let go.

"Uh, sorry.."

"Memory is us."

"What's wrong with Caboose," she whispered in a low voice.

"You're only saying that now? Dude, he's been chanting 'Memory is the key' for like an hour now," Tucker said.

"This is like twenty times creepier than that. Before, it was just one of those phrases he knew and was just saying."

"Well, if it helps, he's not saying anything right now," Tucker looked at the Blue.

"That's not particularly comforting and if he touches Texas I'm going to scream."

"Then.. It probably won't help to know he's standing right over her.."

"NO!" She ran over and shoved him away. "NOOOOOO." Caboose didn't move. She continued to try and push him away from Texas. "No no no, this cannot be happening.."

"What's so bad? It's just Caboose," Jessie said.

"If he's going to unlock the door, then Texas is going to go nuts. Not like, lost her marbles, like Wash did or whatever. Different kind of nuts."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm the one who locked the door."

"How do you know Caboose will unlock it?"

"He's been saying he's a key. That's the only locked door."

"Maybe, he's saying it with a different sort of meaning."

"I doubt that."

_Blondie's got a point._

"I don't care, Narrator. I can't take that risk."

_Well, sucks to be you. 'Cause Caboose is looking pretty empty to me._

"Damn it damn it damn it!"

"I wonder.." Jessie muttered, looking back at Epsilon. "Hey, Eppy! Fetch!" She threw a random object into the distance.

"What do you think I am? A do-" Epsilon suddenly cut himself off, chasing after the object.

"I knew it!" Jessie cheered.

"Uh, what?"

"What is it?" Jessie asked.

"What were you testing? Is there something up with Eppy?"

"I just-fijdhwodjrnhsufbtkfodkjesbnf-"

_Whew, jumbled up. Thank life. I just did that. Yes. I'm awesome._

~•~

**Heh he- saraicbopydswhswdgryiksghrsfhsdcj.**


	23. Musical Intermission

**He's a Red, girlie! He did what Reds do!**

_**Disclaimer: **__We don't own Red vs Blue. Who are you, Caboose?_

~•~

"Narrator. What did you do to Jessie?"

_Oh, it's worn off by now._

"So he chased after it, and I knew it had worked!" Jessie finished.

"Hey, repeat that. Didn't catch it. Narrator interrupted you."

Jessie rolled her eyes, "I just thought that if Epp-"

_Hey! I'm gonna talk to you and block your ears for a bit! I know, I'm awesome for doing that. You can praise me more. Come on, nothing! You know I'm awesome._

"GODDAMNIT NARRATOR! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT SHE'S SAYING!" Blossom shouted."YOU SUCK."

"-Had worked," Jessie finished again.

"The Narrator, once again, interrupted. You should record yourself saying it."

"I already said it twice! I'm not doing it again! Stop shouting at no one!"

"I wish you could hear the Narrator. He's an ass. You're not awesome, and you should stop interrupting people when they're talking to me."

_Thanks for the compliments. You make me so happy I want to hurl._

"I wish you were a person in front of me so I could maul you."

_Sorry. Not happening._

"And now everybody thinks I'm crazy, because I'm talking to an invisible person."

_That's the fun thing, Blossom, that's the fun thing._

"I don't see the fun in that."

_I do!_

"Mind explaining?"

_I get to see you get frustrated! That's funny!_

"No."

_Oh, stop being such a baby._

"You're just mean."

_You're a whiny brat._

"Yes, yes, tell me something I don't know."

_Something you don't know? Well, while I've been distracting you...heheh. _

"Goddamnit, what did Caboose do."

_Texas is gone, by the way. So is Caboose._

"Aw shit."

_Let's keep talking for a while. I wanna see where this conversation goes and how much sanity people will think you've lost!_

"No thanks, Narrator."

_Is that a 'yes' I hear? Great, let's chat._

"Jessie, are you here?"

_Again, a lot of people left because they think you're insane. Except for Donut and Sarge. They have popcorn._

"I'm not a movie. I'm going to turn up my music and ignore you."

_Aaaaaand, I'm the narrator, I do what I want. Such as permanently muting your music._

"Yeah, well I'm _also_ the Narrator. I'm going to do what _I_ want." She turned up her music so loud it began to leak out of her helmet. "Now that we've come so faaaar…"

_So you can't hear me, eh?_

"Always tearing us aparttt.."

_Awesome! Now she won't hear while I freely explain everything!_

"I paint a picture of youuuu.."

_Actually, fuck that. You wanna sing? Let's sing! RWBY MUSIC FTW!_

"Just to change what was reaaaaaaal.." Donut began to dance before Sarge slapped him. "Memories will lead us back..."

_Come at me,_

_And you'll see,_

_I'm more than meets the eeeeyeee!_

_You think that,_

_You'll break me,_

"Japanese or some weird bullshiiiiiiit!"

_You're gonna find in time,_

_You are standing too close to a flame that's burning,_

_Hotter than the sun in the middle of July!_

"Now that we've come so farrrrr.."

_Blah, blah, blah, I forget the words, win,_

_Listen up, silly boy, 'cause I'm gonna tell you whyyyyyyyy!_

"Instrumentaaaaaaaal!"

_I burn!_

_Can't hold me now,_

_You got nothing that can stop meeee_

_I burn!_

_Swing all you want,_

_Like a fever I'll take you down!_

"Super boring flute solo!"

_Rein supreme?_

_In your dreams,_

_You'll never make me boooow!_

_Kick my ass?_

_I'm world class, and su- wait.. This song doesn't fit me enough.._

"Fuck that. Come on Carolinaaa.."

_Oh, no.. Don't start singing York!_

"Why don't you give me a riiiiing.." She glanced at the sky, grinning like a madman. "But could you please stop kicking me!"

_I am the best!_

_No one else is any better!_

_Maybe they're as good,_

_But that's still a tie.._

_For the best. Oh, yeah. That's more like it!_

"I know you're dying to rip that Tex to pieces, but baby we both know that bitch would have you on your knees!"

_Hmm..._

_It's getting pointless,_

_Trying to keep up this game!_

_Broken friendships!_

_Watching pleasure turn to pain!_

"Oi, well that song's done. Restart the playlist."

_All around us,_

_Lines are being drawn between!_

_Don't believe them!_

_They try to tell us we're a team!_

_We like to think that there is something good, to hold on to!_

_One simple reason keeps us hanging o- okay, I'm bored again._

"Oh hold up, I rewound it far enough for Now That We've Come So Far to play again." She began to hum.

_You suck._

"Can't Trust Anybody was probably going to be the one I picked next had this one not started."

_Mirror, _

_Tell me something.._

_Tell me who's the loneliest, of all..._

_Mirror,_

_Tell me something,_

_Tell me who's the loneliest, of all!_

_Fear of,_

_What's inside of me,_

_Tell me, can a heart, be turned, to stone!_

_Lalalala music..._

"I can't discern the tune, but your song is dumb. How can we ever start agaaaaaain?"

_Mirror, mirror, _

_What's behind you,_

"Alright, hello Pray. Crucify me a heretic.."

_Save me from the things I see!_

"Kill the messenger.."

_I can keep it from the world _

_Why won't you let me hide from me!_

"Take my eyes and leave me blind.."

_Mirror, mirror, _

_Tell me something,_

_Who's the loneliest of all?_

"But all I ask of you is where the fuck is Connecticut?"

_..I'm the loneliest _

_..of..._

_..all.._

"Pray for the day the lies don't find you, pray that the end isn't right behind you!"

_Uh.. Let's see here.. RWBY, RWBY.._ AHA!

_Red like roses fills my dreams and brings me to the place you rest._

_White is cold and always yearning, burdened by, a royal test!_

"I take too long. We like to think that there's something good to hold on to.."

_Black the beast descends from shadows,_

_Yellow beauty burns... Gold._

"To run our lives, to rule our minds.."

_Huh, not many lyrics in that one.._

"It gets harder to sacrifice us for their neeeeds.."

_Oh! Sacrifice! Another RWBY one!_

_Close your eyes now time for dreams,_

_Death is never what it seems,_

_Did the things you thought you should,_

_All the things they said, were.._

_Good.._

"Don't look now but you're all gonna diiiiie!"

_All your faith in ancient ways,_

_Leaves you trapped inside a maze,_

"Get your team ready cause we're coming in hot!"

_Bla, blah, blah, forget words-ies,_

_Sow the death then reap the seed!_

"Fighting for your life as you take your last breath!"

_Reap the, seed!_

"Terrifyyyy!"

_Born an angel, heaven sent,_

_Fall from grace are never elegant!_

"Falling Towards The Sky starts out so boringly..."

_Stars will drop out of the sky,_

_The moon will sadly watch the roses die,_

_In vain,_

_Lost, no gain,_

_But you're not taking me!_

_You can't have my life!_

_I'm not your sacrifice!_

_You can try,_

_But I'm free,_

_And you won't,_

_Conquer me,_

_I won't crawl,_

_Most of all,_

_I won't fall!_

_For!_

_You._

"Meh, I'm done singing."

_Okay, let's see here... I barely know any words to this one, and it ain't RWBY, but here we go!_

_Roses are red,_

_And violets are blue,_

_One day we'll cruise down Blood Gulch avenue._

_It's Red versus Red,_

_And Blue versus Blue!_

_It's I against I and me against youuu-uuuu!_

_Yeah.. That's all I got. Uh.._

_From shadows!_

_We'll descend upon the world!_

_Take back what they stole!_

_From shadows!_

_We'll reclaim our destiny!_

_Set our futures free!_

_Okay... This is taking way too much space. _

"No shit, Narrator. You just added like five pages of you singing."

_Sh-shut up.. I-I mean, only because my voice is fucking epic! Also, this is like.. Thirty minutes worth of singing here... One can only imagine how much can happen in that time... I'm great at distracting...Heheheheh._

"I've also been singing. ..It's not like I can see anything, stupid. There's not really much to distract from."

_True.. Still, Caboose and Texas are doin, stuff and Epsilon is trying to fix everything.. Just.. _

"If he unlocked the door she's hitting on him."

"Caboose, snap out of it!" Epsilon shouted.

"Caboose is not available at this moment.." Caboose said.

"Fuck.."

"You will pay, Epsilon," Caboose growled. "WHAT YOU DID CANNOT BE FORGIVEN!"

"Caboose, calm down," said Blossom. "Tell me what he did."

~•~

**He did everything wrong. He's a no good dirty rotten Blue!**


	24. Out of Mind

**What did you mention now, little kitty? **

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

Caboose turned towards Blossom; you didn't have to hear him speak to know that he was _angry_.

_That ain't Caboose._

"Alright, _fake_ Caboose, then."

_Wrong, you're slow._

"I don't care. My head hurts like someone put it through a blender and I want to know what the fuck is going down."

_I know. :)_

"I hate that face. Don't make that face at me."

_:) :) :) :) :) :) :)_

"Die in a fire."

_:D Yay. _

"Does anyone have, like, an ibuprofen or something cause this is killing me."

_No one cares, except maybe Tucker._

"Whatever, I'll just listen to your endless chatter and drown out the pain that way."

"Dude, you have the weirdest fucking friends," said Tucker, who was listening in on the conversation.

_Hi, Tucker._

"Hey."

"Finally, someone who's not me can hear him!" Blossom cheered.

_I think it's the sword._

"Narrator," Tucker spoke, "You have a terrible singing voice."

_Hey!_

"Also, I hate you. But you're still better than Bloosoo.. Or whatever this one calls herself."

"My name is Blossom. Wait.. who's Epsilon? Do I kno-" Blossom froze.

_"Wiping.."_ sang a soft mechanical voice from her helmet.

She shook her head. "That's better.. What were we talking about?"

"We weren't even talking about him," Tucker said.

"Who?"

.:-:.

The compound was scorched and black but the halls around Caboose still stood. There was holes in the ground and a faint orange light shone from them. As he got closer to the giant pavilion, the light got brighter, and soon he heard the telltale crackling of fire from below.

The area was flooded with fresh smoke and was hard to navigate without tripping on the hole-riddled floor. There was a mostly burnt signpost pointing directions but the words had been singed away – that didn't matter, because he knew where he was going. A slight breeze jingled the keys in his hands and around his wrists. _Someone_ was not in their place.

.:-:.

There was suddenly 4 more Texas..es.. outside. "Oh, shit. Wait, if I'm out here, am I dead?" asked the one in cerulean armor. "And which one of you is which?" She glanced around at the others.

"You literally gave us names like two minutes ago. And we all look like what we are. How the fuck could you forget!" yelled the one in cat-themed apparel incredulously. "I'm wearing a hat that looks like a motherfucking cat for shit's sake!"

"Memory is still faulty as shit, man."

.:-:.

Addie could feel his presence, danger seeping off of him. The Key-Bearer had come to unlock the door, and it was only by luck she had gotten the chance to stop him.

She had the equipment they had sent her to get – but the way down had broken by the time she had picked it up. The fire had sapped her speed and the time she had spent searching for Blossom had wasted it, leaving her to wander in search of the door. She couldn't let it open.

When Addie finally found it, the metal had been melted to the door, leaving a mess all over it. Luckily, it had been welded shut by this. But she had to burn the room to ashes, prevent him from setting them free. She took it in for hopefully the final time. Someone had written "DON'T OPEN THE DOOR" in blood, most likely Blossom. She sighed, put down the control equipment, and used the last of her power to create a torch. She held it to the door – but it refused to burn. He was behind her, he had followed her from the smoke to the room. "Please. Don't do this. You don't know what's behind the door."

.:-:.

"Who the fuck are all of you!?" Tucker exclaimed, looking around.

_They're kinda different versions of Texas, from her mind._

"Do they have names or something? Calling them all Texas will get kinda confusing."

_Hey, I'm just the Narrator! I don't know everything! I think one of them is Catexas and you already know Blossom._

"I named all of them." Texas pointed to the one wearing cat clothes. "Kitty, which is a totally lame name."

Kitty glared at her. "If it's so lame why did you bother with it?"

"You needed a name. Now, GiGi, which is less lame." A girl wearing a headset and a StarCraft II T-shirt waved. "And Cecilia, who hates her name and will now be reciting 'better' ones."

"Cece, Cecil, Cecily, Crysthanthamum..." A girl in a paint-splattered apron and with a pen tucked behind her ear listed. We will now be calling them by their respective names because descriptions are done for now.

"Just shut up. Blossom, give me back my helmet." Texas yanked the helmet off of Blossom's head and put it on. "I can't concentrate worth shit without my tunes."

"But I liked the music!" she protested.

"Too bad." Texas turned down the volume of the music. "JESUS CHRISTMAS THAT WAS LOUD! Were you throwing a party and using my helmet as a speaker?"

"No.."

.:-:.

(Past Stuff)

_Epsilon looked around, _where am I? _He was somewhere unfamiliar. He tried to locate where he was by any memory of the place, but nothing came to him. All he knew was it was a forest._

_"Hello?" he called out, voice echoing throughout the place. He shook his little head when receiving no answer. Then, he heard the sound of someone approaching behind him. He turned around, spotting something unexpected. He thought it would have been a person, or.. well, something that wasn't impossible! Instead, what appeared in front of the AI was a cat. Not an ordinary cat, though. This one seemed to have the entire galaxy in their pelt, and wings on their back. Which was fitting considering what she said. Yeah, said._

_"Hello. I don't believe we have met. My name, is Galaxy. May I ask yours? I do not usually see an artificial intelligence running around these woods."_

_Epsilon paused, unsure of what to say. He was still processing the appearance of this cat.. Galaxy, and the fact that she could speak English. "E-Epsilon.."_

_"Named after the Greek letter? Interesting. Come, Epsilon, I want to find out more about you."_

_"I'm not so sure you do..."_

.:-:.

"That _was_ really loud," Tucker pointed out. He looked back at Epsilon, glaring.

"Holy Jesus Christmas unicorns, what the fuck is Epsilon doing?" asked Texas in complete bewilderment.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING!" Epsilon waved his hands in the air.

"Seriously, what the fuck is going on."

"I don't know, ask Caboose! He seems to know something!"

"What is he even doing with my.. Other body? Fuck, I don't know shit anymore!"

"What the fuck?" Epsilon asked.

"Uh, we all died, because Church set the place on fire with his grenade."

"Not that," Epsilon said.

"Then what? Then _what?_"

"Am I the only one seeing starry cats?"

"None of us can see shit but if we could I'd assume we would. Hey, wasn't there a cat named Night running around here?"

Night nodded, "Yeah, I'm Annie's sister, by the way." Blossom slapped her across the face.

Night's eye twitched, "_Why_?"

_"That was for existing."_

"_**Why!?**_"

All of the Texases stared at her. "How the fuck do you not know?" asked Texas.

"Know _**WHAT**_**!?**"

"You were here when she was in my head! Are you stupid?"

"And?"

"Oh my god you are retarded."

"What? Just _tell me!_"

"She's the reason they're all out here! When we booted her the control room caught on fire!"

"I'm her sister. Not her."

"Yes, but irrational anger is a thing."

"Okay, look: have you ever heard of the Five Golden Wings?"

"That sounds like that Christmas song with all the things and birds and stuff."

"Well, it's usually four, but, whatever!"

.:-:.

_Galaxy sighed, "Have you heard of The Golden Wings?" Epsilon shook his head. "Well, I suppose you deserve to know. There are four, unborn but alive, abandoned. They receive a color shortly after a young death, but are revived. They hold the powers of their special color: Cyan, Blue, Green, and Purple. Each cat bears one."_

_They defend this part of the galaxy, the part uninhabited by humans, so I understand you not knowing them. Though, something strange has happened recently.." Galaxy stopped, as if wondering if she should continue to tell a complete stranger._

_"What?" Epsilon asked; it wasn't the most believable story, but then again, the one telling him was a talking cat with stars in their fur and wings._

_"We have our four defenders: Lillian Lula, Blue, power of water. Lola Grove, Green, power over earth. Destiny Swirl, Purple, power of small amounts of time travel. Sky Wing, Cyan, power over the wind. Then.. something different happened," Galaxy told the AI. "Somehow, all of the powers came together.. into another cat. Her name, is Annie. She has powers over all."_

.:-:.

"Whoever is reminiscing, stop it," Texas muttered.

"What?" Night asked.

"Someone is remembering shit and holy fuck it's just like huge blocks of text."

"How would you know that?"

"The same way I can hear the Narrator. Also the reason I can't see."

"Anyways, there is place.. where, well I was born, along with my sister. She was stillborn, and my parents put her in the river to float away to a better place," Night started.

"But Annie-the-super-OP just couldn't stay dead."

Night shot her a look, "Shut it."

"I'm like, dead or whatever because of her. I'm going to say insulting things about her."

~•~

_**Ughhh I can't think of anything!**_

_**Also, totally theived the title from the miniseries.**_


	25. Warriors: Magical Feral Cats

**Magic cats? This is another evil Blue plot! **

_**gahhhh not funny **_

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

Night shook her head, "Whatever, back to the story. According to Annie, it was like a light surrounded her, a sort of rainbow. She saw four other cats staring at her. I saw part of it myself, just thought it was some sort of brilliant light show. Annie said it was like she had transported into another place, a world with nothing but whiteness. There she met four other young cats. There, she learned that she was special."

"Why did you stop? Oh no, is it flashback time again?"

"No, it was just for dramatic effect... Wait, flashback time?"

"_Epsilon_ keeps having weirdo flashbacks to talking to some bitch named Galaxy."

Night shot her a glare, "Galaxy is not a bitch. But, about the story, it is where Annie met her."

"She's a bitch, Tucker's a bitch, everybody's a bitch."

"There were cats with unnatural colors; four of them. They talked, and Annie learned their names. Galaxy said that there wasn't usually a fifth cat like them. They talked for a bit, then sent Annie back to the edge of the river. That, was a _very _big mistake," Night said.

_Okay, now it's flashback time! _

"GODDAMN IT, NO! NO!"

"Wow, you don't need to react so much."

.:-:.

_"Wait, what?" Epsilon asked._

_"I do not know what name they have. I have never heard of such things," Galaxy said. "But I don't think there is much time to save her. They must have gone for her power."_

_"So, this Annie cat person is in trouble?" _

_"Yes."_

_"Why are you telling me this?" Epsilon tilted his head a little._

_"I sense something in you, Epsilon," Galaxy padded closer to him. _

_"Uh.. What?"_

_"You can help," Galaxy told him._

_"You say these things infect Annie's mind? Can take control?" Epsilon asked._

_"Sort of. They rest in her mind, take her personality, and split it into many pieces, only one able to come out at a time."_

_"Doesn't _that _sound familiar," Epsilon muttered._

_"Please, Epsilon. Help." Galaxy's voice almost sounded pleading._

_"What am I supposed to do? Show empathy?" _

_"You know that's not it."_

_"I know."_

.:-:.

"There was a flashback coming on, idiot. Would you like me to recite the first few lines to authenticate it?" Texas glared at Night.

"What are you talking about...? Maybe?"

"Wait, what, Epsilon asked. I do not know what name they have, I have never heard of such things, Galaxy said. Blah blah blah boring shit about how Annie is in trouble, why are you telling me this, I feel you have magic powarz, blah blah blah, fragments bullshit, help Annie pls, blah blah blaaah," she replied in an unwavering monotone.

"You mean.. How she came to have so many different personalities?"

"How is that in any way related to what I just said?"

"Because that was when Annie needed help, and I know Galaxy spoke to Epsilon about it."

"I don't care. Epsilon, stop having boring flashbacks."

"I can't help it!" Epsilon yelled at Texas.

"Do I sound like I give a shit?"

"Hey, you asked!"

"Oh, dear," Night mutterered.

"Addie should've been dead by now! What the hell is going on?" yelled Cecilia.

.:-:.

He took a step forward, the key brandished. "You can't open the door!" Addie moved to protect it, her arms outstretched as if she had become the melted chains. "I won't let you!"

"Then I'll just have to... Get rid of you." He took out a gun and shot her in the chest. She gasped and stumbled back into the door, disappearing and abandoning the equipment.

.:-:.

Another Texas appeared, clutching her chest. "I couldn't stop him, I couldn't stop him.."

"Does that mean you're all fucked?" Tucker asked.

"The Key-Bearer has come for the door.."

"Uh, yes I think." Texas shrugged.

"The Key-Bearer?" Tucker echoed.

"H-he shot me.." Addie fell over, unconscious. GiGi rushed to her side and did things.

"Hey, I wasn't around when Blossom locked the door. Maybe she made up some bullshit prophecy, cause Warriors." Texas rolled her eyes.

"What?" Tucker questioned.

"Warriors is this really long series about slightly magical feral cats. There's a bazillion prophecies in it."

Night's eyes widened, "Warriors? Y-you mean... Wait, series?"

"It was a book series. Written by several people under a.. Oh, I can't spell the bedamned word."

"Written? Uh.. You wouldn't happen to be thinking about, like, different Clans of cats, would you? That.. Live together?"

"Yes. ThunderClan, ShadowClan, WindClan, RiverClan, SkyClan, StarClan, and a whole bunch of made up ones from the huge fan base."

"You're-You're kidding."

"No. You can ask Blossom all about it, she's really into it."

"I.. Written.. My whole life is a lie.."

"Hey, so is pretty much everyone's here. The exception is me and Silver."

"You know, I used to be called Nightshadow," Night said. "Yeah..."

Blossom suddenly turned into a cat. "Well. I'm actually Blossombreeze, but then again I'm also dead so who knows?"

"Me and Snowstar kinda ran away..." Night said. "Snow had a lot more reason than me, though."

"Lemme guess, everyone wanted to murder you for some random reason. Or you're just crazy."

"Well.. I left because me and Snow are friends, I couldn't just have her away. Snow, though.. I don't know how she had kept her secret long enough to become leader!"

"Random magic bullshit, weird prophecy, stupid secrets that are mystically hidden, check check check, random made up clan confirmed. I think. "

"Well, Snow sort of murdered about five cats one night and got found out.. yeah, the other Clans weren't happy."

"Using uncontrollable explosive magic, flat out crazy murder insanity, or attacked while doing secret shit at night?"

"Uh.. No. She's part werewolf and dragon."

"Flat out crazy murder insanity."

"It's really insane. It's like a 9-year-old version of that Silver person thought of it."

"Cause she did, man."

Night shot her a weird look, "_Anyways_, Annie was broken down by unnamed thingies-"

"-Ghosties," Texas provided semi-helpfully.

"... Wow, the details are fuzzy.. anyways, you need Epsilon's help."

"I think we'll just wait for crazy murder bitch to kill Caboose," Cecilia said.

"You, know... I really don't like any one of you," someone said.

"GiGi hasn't even spoken. You can't hate her for nothing."

"Uh oh.." Night muttered.

"Hey, you guys might want to take cover, because Texas is an extremely bad shot." Cecilia ran off, disappearing.

"What the fuck is wrong with this place?" Carolina asked herself.

Suddenly, the other Texas who was on the ground's armor turned crimson and she began to get up. "I'm not going through that paragraph again, I'm just going to shoot her now." Texas walked over, and shot the other girl in the face. "That's for killing Blossom, you crazy bitch."

"Can someone get me some popcorn?" Grif asked.

"Here you go," Church handed him some. The popcorn instantly turned to ashes.

"Thanks.. Wait.. WHAT THE FUCK!?"

"I am not a reality tv show. Your popcorn will always be gone." Texas then shot the other Texases (excluding Blossom) and they each turned to air.

"Then get me OREOS!" Grif took Oreos from Church. They too turned to ashes. "I hate you, universe. Whatever, I can still watch." He sneaked a cookie in his mouth. It tasted like poison. "Blegh! What the fuck!?"

"I'm mean... Well, that's over and done." Texas slipped the pistol back into hyper-backpack-space.

_How did you shoot all of them? You're half blind and can't operate a gun._

"They let me. Also, I can do what I want to make crazy bullshit end."

_They. Wow, you must be the most specific person in the world._

"...Are we not talking about me killing the other aspects of my personality and returning them to my head?"

_Even if they let you, you have worse aim than Church. _

"It's a magic pistol."

_Who cares._

"You do!"

_..Shut up. Oh, look: it's raining Meta-butterflies!_

"How lovely." Blossom ran off to hide under an overhang, screaming.

_Aaaaaaaand one just pooped on you. No, wait, now three._

~•~

_**too lazy to write anything **_


	26. Three's Company

**You.. You deserve this.. For.. For being a Blue..?**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"Good thing this armor is butterfly-shit proof."

_Uh.. Hmm. It would appear that the spider has come back. He's actually looking at you.. And, uh, he is more ninja than ever, and he doesn't have Delta anymore, but instead O'Malley._

"_Die,_ you vile thing. I don't care, Narrator." She threw a dictionary at the spider's general direction. It hit him in the face.

"Hahaha! You fool! You fell for my clone!" O'Malley-spider hollered.

"Can you just shut up and _die_ already?"

"OKAY," O'Malley said in a Caboose voice, dropping dead.

_Yay! No weird storyline anymore!_

"Ding dong, the witch is dead."

_Ugh, you're covered in butterflies. Which, by the way, are now made of butter and are shaped like flies. Get it?_

"Oh look, it's raining soapy water." True to her word, it began to rain soapy water, and nobody cared about the word repetition.

"I... I NEED A FUCKING CAMERA!" Church suddenly yelled, then realized he was magic and poofed one up, taking a video. Unfortunately, the soapy water made it malfunction immediately and explode in his hands. Good for him, he poofed up a soap-proof camera and filmed again.

"Fuck you, no." The camera exploded because water. Church poofed an everything-proof camera that couldn't explode. It caught on water-proof fire. Then again, it's everything-proof, so who cares? At this point, the camera simply ceased to work. _Stop trying to film this, you stupid. _

_Aaaaa! Get out!_

_Hello, Narrator. _

_What. Are. You. Doing._

_Deciding I also want speak without quotation marks or actions or anything of the sort. _

_You're just lazy, bitch._

_I'm pretty sure only Tucker can hear us, if anyone can. Hellooo, Tucker?_

"Wait, there's two now!?"

_I'm Texas, you idiot. _

"Wait.. What?"

_She's Texas, you idiot. She's really lazy._

_He heard me. Are you stupid? Shut up. _

_You shut up. No one likes you. Die in a hole._

_You first, assface. _

_Yeah, not gonna happen._

_Wazzzupsss? _

_Who are you? Silver?_

_Yes, and all these italics are getting confusing. __**I CALL BOLD ITALICS! You can be underline.**_

_Probably because you're an idiot._

"No, it's beca- oops." Texas blinked. "Oooooops."

_**No more? You're lame.**_

"I figured out how and now I've forgotten. Shut up."

_**Just be underlineeeeeeee!**_

_She's too much of a crazy idiot to understand. Don't even try._

**I like bold. **

_**That works, too.**_

_Huh. You figured something out. I'm very surprised._

**Die in a fire. **

_You first._

**No you. **

_You!_

_**Oh, no...**_

**YOUUUUUUU!**

_YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU FIRSSSSST!_

**NOOOOO YOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU FIIIIIRST!**

_You're a fucking bitch!_

**You're a crazy Butch Flowers who's sitting in a birch tree!**

_Fuck you, I misspelled bitch as Butch. You did it as Butch _and _birch. _

**..I stole that insult from earlier..**

_**Yours truly! Too bad none of the readers will see it..**_

**What?**

_**Nevermind...**_

"Am I going insane?" Tucker asked. "I'm going fucking insane, aren't I?"

"What are you talking about?" Church asked.

"The Narrator! Or.. Narrator_s_?"

"What the fuck are you going on about!?"

"The- fuck it, nevermind.."

**No, we're the crazy voices in your- **"-head! Damn it."

"Head? That came out of nowhere," Church told her.

"Tucker knows the context."

"Are you two trying to fuck with me?"

"Three."

"Three?" Church echoed.

"Silver, me, Narrator – oh wait, nevermind."

"..What!?"

"I can-" **-talk all crazy, except you can't hear this- **"-bit."

"I can bit. Yes, that sentence made _so_ much sense."

"The full sentence is 'I can talk all crazy, except you can't hear this bit.'"

"Okay, miss Texas! You are overdue!" Dr. Grey ran up to her.

"No!" Dr. Grey spontaneously turned into a small flying kitten. "You are now my tiny kitten. Think before you try to do crazy dissection shit next time."

"Ooh! Nice upgrade!" Dr. Grey commented, "Now I have claws!"

"You have tiny weak kitten claws. You try to cut me open, they shatter."

_Actually, she's part dragon-epicly awesome kitten, and she has strong claws, ready to shred!_

_**Yeah! Wait, what?**_

"No. Just no. You do not dictate the tiny kitten's powers." Texas rolled her eyes at the sky.

_I just did._

"I just negated that. The kitten has tiny weak claws."

_*poof* Now she's a dragon._

"No."

_Yes._

"Fine. She's one of those floaty snake air dragons. With no claws or any of that shit."

_No, she has GIANT killer claws that will shred out your internal organs! Mwahhahahahahaha!_

"No."

_Yes. Shut up, you fool!_

"O'Malley, get out of the Narrator."

_NEVER! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

"Yes! Get out of the Narrator!"

_NO! You hear this? NO!_

"Yeeeeees! Get out of him!"

_You can't control me!_

"Okay, the Narrator's been infested with O'Malley. Uh, I think someone needs to get him out before everyone dies."

"Yeah. I can tell," Tucker nodded.

_Now I truly control the universe!_

~•~

**Oh no! The Blues have gained control over the eniiiire universe! It's been a good fight, men. **

_**So, just fyi: bold italics = Silver, bold = Texas, and italics = Narrator**_


	27. Glitchy Ears

**No! Rebel against her evil Blue ways!**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"Silver, knock him out or something," Texas commanded.

_**What! No! This is awesome! Such entertainment.. Such.. Such.. such... Ugh..**_

"Seriously, Silver."

_**What. The fuck. Just happened.**_

"What?"

_Hmm.. RAINING DEAD PUPPIES AND KITTENS! Hahaha!_

**No, it's raining candy. Oh, hey, I switched! When did that happen?**

_DEAD PUPPIES!_

**Candy. **

_**No. No puppies. No kittens, no candy. Everyone stop coming up with shitty ideas!**_

**Candyyyy. **

_BLOOD!_

**CANDY.**

_MURDER!_

**What?**

_You. Get out. You're interrupting my evil plotting!_

_**O'Malley, shut the fuck up!**_

"Someone, boot him! Before it starts raining blood and death!" Texas yelled.

"Hey, I can't do anything!" Tucker raised his hands, shaking his head.

_**Tucker! Just do something!**_

"Oh oh oh! Try giving your sword to an AI! Maybe then they'll be able to hear him and his crazy nonsense!" she suggested.

"Uh, dude, an AI already can," Tucker pointed out.

"..."

"Are you deaf? Hello? Anyone home?" Tucker waved a hand in front of Texas.

"...Which one..? And if you say O'Malley I will punch you in the face." She pushed his hand away.

"What? No, not O'Malley."

"..."

_**You better not have broken her! You're paying!**_

"..Wait, since when am I a computer? Oh, that would be neat! So neat!" Texas exclaimed, internally giggling her face off.

_**What? No, you're not a computer! I am!**_

"Awww. Wait what."

_**-_- You're an idiot.**_

"The word you're looking for is _gullible_."

_**Whatever.**_

_What is going on here!?_

**Oh my god another one. Church? **

_Texas, why are you in here? Also, no._

**...Because I can be? Who are you then?**

_**That's a shitty reason.**_

_Tell me about it._

**You guys are mean. **

_**I can say I'm not Silver. If that means anything.**_

**Wait, I.. If.. What? But.. Bold... Italics..**

_**Okay, look: O'Malley took over the Narrator, who says I can't take over Silver?**_

**But you are Silver? Who's underline?**

_Myself? _

**What. **

_What? Isn't that enough?_

**Silver is bold, Narrator is nothing, I'm ...other bold.., who's underline?**

_**I told you: not exactly Silver.**_

_Yeah, you have to be, like, deaf and blind not to figure that out._

**I am.. **

_**Just fucking guess.**_

**oh my god I don't know **

_You got close earlier!_

**Not Church! Okay! Epsilon? Tex? Somebody that I don't know! **

_You got it! Which one, out of the two you said, would you say I am? Wow, that sounded kinda confusing after I said it._

**you don't sound bitchy enough to be tex**

_**So.. You're saying Tex is always super bitchy? 24/7? **_

**yes. **

_**Yup, sounds about right.**_

_Pretty much._

**man why would you recreate a huge bitch like 50 times **

_BECAUSE EVERYONE IS TOO MUCH OF AN IDIOT TO CARE! _

**narrator shut your face **

Suddenly, it began to rain chocolate.

_**What the fuck?**_

_That was me. You can thank me later._

**Just get rid of O'Malley. **

_**Fine. O'Malley, get out! No one wants you here!**_

**Jinx? Hey, I think I just figured out what's wrong with Silver. Don't you dare say anything about me being stupid. Alsoooo why can Epsilon speak and hear the Narrators and shit? Is it cause he's in Silv – HOLY JESUS FUCK NOT THIS FUCKING MOVIE AGAIN. Help, I'm being traumatized!** _**Heeeeelp!**_

_..._

_..._

_What is she talking about? I'm not in Silver. _

_**That would be me.**_

**I'm still utterly confused. **

_**Yeah, okay, whatever.**_

**You guys all suck. **

"Bow chicka bow wow," Tucker added, taking the opportunity.

_**Yeah, well you suck more!**_

"Bow chicka bow wow. Again." Tucker shook his head, "You guys make it too easy!"

**Tucker, shut the fuck up. **

Jessie stared at Texas and Tucker, "I think they've truly gone insane. Tucker's talking to no one and Texas is saying incomplete sentences."

"I'm recording it," Grif stated, holding a camera.

"Wait, you can hear part of what I'm saying? And Tucker is talking to me, the Narrator, Epsilon, and some other guy!" Texas slapped the camera out of Grif's hands and stomped on it. "Don't do that!" She blinked. "Heeeyyy.. Who was that other person in Green earlier? I didn't notice at the time but one of the names was 'Someone else'.."

"Well," Jessie started, "Kinda. At random times strange sounds come from your mouth, never full words, but sort-of half words, that seem to completely cut off. It's really weird."

"Who names someone 'Someone Else?" Grif asked, not caring too much about the camera. _I have a helmet cam anyways._

_Why did I do ANY of this?_

_**What are you talking about?**_

_Uh... I... Nothing!_

_**Okay, you're hiding something. What is it?**_

_You don't know? I swear, every time I remember something other people seem to know what it is. Not this time?_

_**Wait, that shit again? By the way, WHAT THE FUCK EPSILON! Wait.. What happened to Caboose anyways?**_

**Caboose had to have been ejected when ..uh, other me..? died. He's probably running around somewhere. And who is 'Someone Else'? AAAAAAAAND Epsilon what the fuck are you hiding? You got some mighty suspicious speech patterns going on there! **"Jessie, that's me using my magic powers to talk to people without making y'all think I'm crazy, and also because I can. You can hear snippets because you either are supposed to come from my universe but don't really or because you're an OC. Either way, doesn't matter." Texas shot Grif a death glare. "You know, I don't think you can run that without an AI."

Grif froze, "Yeah.. About that..." He quickly glanced behind him, noticing there was no one in his way, before making a break for it. "RUNNING AWAY!"

"What was that about?" Jessie asked, before turning back to Texas, "And what do you _mean_ I'm an OC? And-" She suddenly felt light-headed. "Ugh... what?" She looked at the nearby puddle-

_Which was always there. Don't question it._

-and blinked her eyes. "This again? Wait.. I don't recognize that color..."

"What color?" Tucker asked.

"It's a dark blue," answered Jessie, "See for yourself."

"I like blue.." Texas wandered over to the puddle and stared at it for a few seconds. "You're an OC, Silver made you up."

Jessie shot her a "you're crazy" look. "What?"

"Dude, I fell out of the fucking sky, I know things. Trust me."

"People fall out of the sky all the time," Tucker pointed out.

"Still, I know things."

"What things?" Jessie asked.

"Like, what was supposed to happen, and random bits and pieces of your past?"

"_My_ past?" Jessie stared at her.

"Kinda?"

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Well, I'm not the one who made you up, and I haven't read it in like, forever. I'd have to go reread."

"Look at me. DO I LOOK FICTIONAL TO YOU!?"

"Yes?"

"Yes? YES? HOW!?"

"My eyes don't work the same as yours! You look like a drawing!"

"This is about 500 years in the future to me, I'm sure they have changing-eye thingies."

"You still look like a drawing. Tucker looks like he should, though."

"I don't look like a drawing." Despite what she said, Jessie did glance over herself.

"Even if you don't look like a drawing to yourself, you look like a drawing to me." At what Texas had said, Jessie flipped her off. "Really."

"Shut up. You seriously think I look like a drawing! You're insane!"

"..."

"Well, she shut up," Tucker turned to her.

"I give up."

"Not like we needed your insanity in the first place." Jessie rolled her eyes.

~•~

**Blusanity!**


	28. Texas Keller

**Good! Succumb to infightin, Blues! Hahaha!**

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

"I'm going to draw until my hands fall off." Texas rifled around in pocket-space/whatever I called it and yanked out a pad of paper and pens. "And also, I hate you."

"I hate you more."

"No, you don't." Texas drew something nobody could see.

"Prove it."

"You first."

"I asked you before you asked me."

"Don't care."

_Cat fight!_

"Shut up."

"I didn't say anything," Tucker gave her a confused look.

"Not you," Texas said.

_Why didn't he hear me?_

"Yo, where's your sword?"

"Um, right here," Tucker pulled it out. "Why?"

"That's weird. You didn't hear him."

"Hear wh- wait, the Narrator?"

"Yes."

"I didn't hear anything."

"I know, that's weird. You were hearing him earlier. Heeey, what happened with Epsilon, Silver?"

_Huh.. Weird._

_**What?**_

_Nothing.._

"What are you hiding?"

_Who, me? I- I'm not hiding anything._

"Yes, you are. Don't deny it."

_I'm not._

"Mmhmm."

_Seriously._

"Why do you think I'm hiding something?" Jessie asked.

"Not you! That has been addressed at Epsilon, who somehow managed to get Narrator powers!"

"What the fuck are Narrator powers?"

"It's like, talking.. But not?" Tucker sighed, "Man, I don't know how to explain it."

"Magic talking. Manipulation of reality."

Jessie stared at both of them. "...What?"

"The talking thing, it's the voices I can hear but you can't. Tucker could also hear them, for some reason."

_Why _can't_she hear us?_

"Nobody let her, I guess? Silver doesn't want her to?"

_**You could be right. I honestly don't know.**_

_She wasn't talking to you!_

"Who the fuck are you, if you're not Silver?"

_**You're blind.**_

"And deaf. I can't actually hear any of your voices."

_**Wait, what the fuck? How does that- What the fuck?**_

"I'm viewing this as text? Everything is basically my imagination."

_How does that even work?_

"I have a vivid imagination, I guess."

_**Why aren't you using your- what did you call it? Narrator powers? Yeah, that. I think. Fuck, I don't know!**_

**cause I forgot, asshole.**

_**Psst! Texas! You forgot to capitali- HEY! Get back there!**_

**don't need none of your english nazi-ing ..wait, what?**

_**Nothing happened. Shut up.**_

**oh ho ho something happened and you are gonna tell me, right now.**

_**Hey, can you like, go somewhere else? Right now? **_

**no**

_**I didn't hear a yes. Leave, now.**_

**no. you know what no means? it means no.**

_**Hey, I don't need your stupid lecturing! I know what no means!**_

**shut up church**

_**You first.**_

**hahahahha i was right**

_Right? About what?_

**he's church, 95% sure of that anywaysssss**

_Oh, right._

**church, get out of silver.**

_**What!? No! I just got this body, and it comes with awesome powers! I'm not giving that up!**_

**geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet**

_I don't think he's going._

**goddamnit, church**

_You have to admit: those powers are pretty fuckin' awesome._

**yeah, buuuut.. you and church ain't really supposed to have em..**

_**You are just butchering the English language he- I SAID GET BACK!**_

**silvah, fight him! you can do that!**

_**I know I can, but I don't want to!**_

**fight fight fight fight fight **"Oh, and Jessie, didn't you have a dream with Silver in it? She told you that you were made up, to your face." Texas looked to the sky, wondering if a storm or something would roll in as a result of the possibly upcoming fight.

"I don't remember Silver being in one of my dreams." Jessie seemed confused.

"It definitely happened, unless.."

"Unless what?"

"Unless that shit wasn't canon, but that wouldn't make any sense."

"Well, I did have a really weird dream with Tucker and Felix... I think?"

"Yeah, with the cage and the fight."

Jessie stared at Texas, "...How the fuck do you know that?"

"I'm looking at it right now, double monitors. And it's made up, you're made up, all of this is made up."

"Wait, double monitor- wha.. Are you sure you're sane?"

"Yes. Text-based vision, blah blah blah, I'm on my computer, typing on a document."

"You're crazy. You realize this, right?"

"... I.. oh, I hate you. I'm not crazy."

_I think we both know you're crazy._

"Shut the fuck up, asshole."

"You shut up!" Jessie glared at her.

"Not you, not you, NOT YOU!"

_I love when this happens!_

"Then who else!? The only people here are you, me, and Tucker! The rest left!"

"THE NARRATOR, I HAVE SAID THIS A BILLION TIMES. CHURCH, GET OUT OF SILVER, EPSILON, STOP HIDING THINGS."

_Hey, I said multiple times that I'm not hiding anything!_

"You are for sure hiding something. Stop it."

_Whatever happened to those flashback-thingies?_

"They died, because nobody gave a single fuck about them and they were annoying as shit."

_Yeah, that makes sense. Asshole._

"Shut up. Church, get. Out. Of. Silver."

_**I already told you I'm not leaving!**_

"Get out of her."

_**Who put you in charge, anyways?**_

"I did. I put me in charge."

_I don't think it counts if you put yourself in charge._

"Who's in charge, then?"

_I am._

"Then do something."

_Uh.. No. I think this whole situation is the most fun I've had since.. Ever._

"Yay, good for you."

_Don't be a dick. _

"Ugh."

_You don't have the right to say "ugh." You don't have the right to speak anything._

"..."

_That's better._

"..."

_There you go. Shut up, don't say anything ever again._

**i fucking hate you**

_Aww, why?_

_**You're grammar and stuff is seriously- GET BACK! AND STAY BACK!**_

**silvah, fight the machine!**

_**Nah, I'm good. Also- I. AM. NOT. A. FUCKING. COMPUTER!**_

**you ever heard of the band rage against the machine? it means the power, the government. i was trying to be funny.**

_**Shutup.**_

**no**

_Ooh! I wanna see where this goes! I'll grab some popcorn._

**please die.**

_You first._

**no you**

_**Capitalization... Commas... Neither of them... You have..- What's that supposed to me- NOTHING!**_

_You._

**yoda, is that you? have you assumed church's identity to give me english language lectures?**

_**Stupid, you are.**_

**yoda im sorry for never watching the star wars movies pls stop terrorizing me**

_**Hideous, you look.**_

**yoooooooooooooodaaaaaaaaaaaahhh**

_**Huh, I wonder how long it will take her to realize that's actually Silver talking?**_

~•~

**... It's been silent fer a while now. What are those damned Blues conspirin?**


	29. Storyweavers

**...Still quiet. We'll have ta watch our backs. **

_**Disclaimer: **__Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do._

~•~

**did you know: im deaf**

_**What in the universe makes you think I care?**_

**unicorns**

_**...**_

**yes, definitely.**

_I hope you three realize she's insane._

_Oh, don't worry; we know._

**Great.**

_Can I have a cookie?_

**No.**

_..But I like cookies.._

**Too bad.**

_You are not a very nice lady_

**You're not Caboose.**

_Then why do people call me that?_

**I don't know why people would call you that, you're Epsilon.**

_I am not Epsilon. He is. -_

**Since when..? What?**

_Remember? Caboose can break the fourth wall. How do you think Epsilon got up here? _

**No? Okay then..**

_Caboose is the only one who realizes he's in a video game._

**Yeah, but this isn't a video game anymore.**

_Same concept. _

**Whatever.**

_Anyways, Epsilon went inside Caboose; Caboose came here. Simple._

**Kay.**

_Not even gonna question why he would go into Caboose?_

**Caboose has done some weird shit, I'm figuring cause he wanted to know what was going on or to make him shut up or something.**

_Eh._

**I'm guessing I won the lottery there.**

_Hmm... Eh._

**Hi, Canada.**

_You can't hear me._

**...**

_I am a mystical creature who rules the universe while eating potato chips._

**...**

_What? You gotta problem wi dis?_

**...**

_I know, I'm awesome. You don't need to stare in awe anymore._

**give me your chips.**

_Here. Poker chips._

**neat**

_I know. Because I'm awesome like that._

**good for you**

_You got that right! It _is _good for me! Because I'm amazing!_

**yaaaaaay **Texas kicked a random empty can at Jessie.

"Sweet!" Jessie caught it, "More to add to my collection!" She threw it into a pile of empty cans.

"The fuck?"

"Hey. You have your hobbies and I have mine."

"Who collects empty cans?"

"My mom?"

"What the hell?"

"She always said that the cans were as empty as her."

"That's… that's nice.."

"Her name was Lily. She committed suicide."

"I know her name is Lily.. But.. She's not dead? What are you talking about?"

"I visit her grave every day."

"But, she ain't dead."

"I watched her shoot herself."

"...What is going on?"

"That's when I learned she was really my dad."

"What? Okay, you're messing with me now. I'm not listening to you anymore."

"I also learned she was my sister."

"Shut up."

"She was part elf. She'd go on rants about how much she missed green beans."

"Shut. Up."

"She was in love with you."

"NEAT."

"She said you have beautiful eyes."

"COOL."

"She also told me that you're secretly a robot and liked Sheila."

"I am going to kill someone, and it might just be Blossom." Blossom ran over Jessie and cowered on her head.

"Ow.. Mom was also killed before committing suicide." She pointed to Felix in the distance. "He did it."

"Good for her! Good for him! I wish it would rain nukes!"

"She said she wished it would rain nukes as her last words."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Texas threw a dictionary at Jessie and ran away.

"She told me you have terrible aim. She was right."

"DIE IN A FIRE," she screamed. As she did so, a magical toilet appeared.

"Hello," said the toilet. She kicked it and sprinted away. Blossom flickered a bit.

The toilet turned into Silver, coughing. "Ugh... Did I escape?"

"KILL JESSIE."

"Uh.. Okay?" She snapped her fingers, and Jessie dropped dead.

"Fucking finally, now she'll shut up!"

"Oh, please!" Silver laughed like a mad scientist.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Texas threw a hat on the ground and stomped on it. Blossom scrambled away from Jessie's corpse and continued to flicker.

"Now that she's dead," Jessie began, "She'll just come back. As a.. Uh.. Ghost!"

"I am going to murder everyone in a billion mile radius."

"Not again," Jessie muttered, appearing behind Texas. She flipped around and punched Jessie in the face, no matter how intangible she was. Blossom yelped as she vanished into thin air.

"You _do_ realize you can't hit me... Right?" Jessie stared.

"I hate you I hate you I hate you _I hate you._"

"I hate this form.." Jessie muttered to herself. "Wait a minute."

"I hate you."

"Why did I make her AI form purple?" Silver asked herself.

"BECAUSE YOU ARE THE DEVIL."

"That has nothing to do with color choice."

"It has everything to do with it." She threw a pokéball at Silver's head.

"Explain."

"No." It hit Silver square in the face and opened to reveal a Pikachu.

"Yes." Silver didn't flinch.

"No." Texas threw another pokéball into the air, watching as it twirled.

"_**YES!**_"

"No." The pokéball exploded.

"JUST. EXPLAIN. THE COLOR."

"No."

"Uhh," Jessie stared at the two. "Okay, I'm gonna find someone."

"Please shut up, bitch with the mom-dad-sister-elf."

"I JUST MADE THAT UP!" Jessie called behind herself as she flashed away.

"Don't care, shut up."

"Hmm.. You don't seem to like her," Silver commented.

"Can I kill you?"

"That's not possible! I'm hundreds of miles away!"

"Don't caaaaaaaaaaaaaare."

"Aaaaaaand... Uploaded!" Grif announced, his video now on YouTube.

"Hi, Grif." Sister's dead body fell on him. "Tell your sister I say hi."

"Texas said hi."

"Okay," Sister mumbled despite all of reality.

"Bah." Texas threw a loaf of bread at Grif, and walked away. Somewhere, a car drove up slowly behind Wash.

_And then, the rainbow people came and made everything better and saved the day. The end._

~•~

**Yes! Torture.. Grif.. Blues? What in tarnation?**


End file.
